Mary,

I was greatly affected by your letter.

Beyond being stirred, which I was, I was gripped.

I was gripped by the question, "How would I respond to a severe crisis?"

The horror of the possibility that my heart might harden, or that I could blame the LORD, is frightening.

After I had been saved for about three and a half years, I was not grounded, mature, nor even a member of a local body of believers.

All my family & friends, except for my younger brother, had not gotten saved, were still angry Catholics, against me.

They were angry that I professed to have gotten saved and had eventually left the "mother" church.

They were most angry with me for mentioning Jesus to them.

I had to go work at a partial refinery startup, in what was still the old Soviet Union, in a spot where conditions were not good.

We didn't want to take our newborn son & young daughter to that location, at that particular time, so I went by myself.

I hadn't had a drink for 6 years, as I had stopped, when I went to AA, two and a half years before I had gotten saved.

I personally found no other believers in that part of the Soviet Union, nor amongst the Americans & French workers, there.

I was not grounded, nor was I accountable to a local body, somewhere, who could have been also praying for me.

I really did not know what to do.

I considered having a church service by myself.

Only knowing the Catholic church, I presumed that communion had to be with fermented wine, so I bought some.

Two weeks passed, and I hadn't had the service yet, but still had the open bottle.

The French had a goodbye celebration for one of their workers & they gave everyone some cheap, local bubbly, for a toast.

I turned it down like I always had done, but the honored guest, yelled out to me, in English, in front of everyone there.

"Gino, I saw you buy that bottle of wine - are you're going to lie to us and say that it was for communion?"

I was trapped like an animal & terrified - out of some insane fear, I grabbed the glass and toasted him.

Well, one glass of course led to two or three - but when I felt tipsy, that's when conviction struck me.

I ran outside in horror and disgust, and started to pray out loud in my tipsy state of mind.

Instead of confession & repentance, with my mouth, I blamed the LORD for letting it happen to me.

I didn't lose my salvation, but I lost everything else, especially my fellowship with the LORD.

I actually felt all his closeness and power of his Spirit go up from me, leaving me only with my disgusting self.

I instantly, like Nebuchadnezzar, turned into a beast (albeit, in my case it was my old nature that had always been lurking).

I entered back inside, chugged down some hard liquor, started cussing, and telling filthy jokes.

They were all amazed beyond measure, to see a professing Christian, instantly transformed into a beast before their eyes.

I remained a vile disgusting beast for another full three and a half years.

Then the LORD suddenly came back into my life, and as quickly took away the bottle, and granted me fellowship with him again.

Had he not rescued me, I would have remained a beast, as I had no power, will, or even desire.

Having experienced this, without even a crisis to precipitate it all, how would I do in a crisis?

Jeremiah 12:5 If thou hast run with the footmen, and they have wearied thee, then how canst thou contend with horses? and if in the land of peace, wherein thou trustedst, they wearied thee, then how wilt thou do in the swelling of Jordan?

Gino