To Rene and Doves,
     I can't explain it but I understand how you feel.    Since I was a teenager I have been interested and focused on the rapture and end time studies.    (I am 54).    I am the only member of my entire family and as far as I know my extended family (and my dad is a retired Assembly of God pastor!)  that is focused.    I feel exactly the way you described just longing for Him.    I have a nice life, a great husband, a good job, a nice home so nothing I want to escape from but I still long for Him daily!    Our family has had some terrific trials in the recent past but they just made me love the Lord more.   I believe my parents, husband and kids are saved but do they love Him as much as I do?    If they did wouldn't they be anxiously
awaiting his return as I am?   I don't know.  Perhaps it is a calling.  A "watcher" calling!     I enjoy reading Charles' letters because I feel for him
so much and understand his angst!      It is very difficult for me to make any plans whatsoever and don't really enjoy carrying them out!   I am
a very happy person and not at all depressed!    I just find all of the earthly things we do very mundane.  I do participate in things for my family's
sake but inside I just want the evening, weekend etc to be over so I can get back to my Bible, end times websites, Fivedoves etc etc. lol.

My sis-in-law wanted to get together for our husbands birthdays in a cabin (our husbands are twins) I had to bite my tongue to keep
from saying "we probably won't be here" but I agreed for the sake of my husband.   It is very lonely sometimes when I get so
excited  about something I have read or a video I have watched on Fivedoves or elsewhere and can't share it with anyone in my family or
even a friend.       

Connie B.