Lou Ann, I believe you are dealing with a spiritual attack, because I could have written this post too.  I am also under a TREMENDOUS attack and have thought about ending it all also.  I believe this is no coincidence.  What I believe is that EVIL is attacking us with all it has now, and not to ruin US, you and I and other REDEEMED, but to PREVENT us from being able to share God's love with others who might be saved in these last moments of opportunity TO BE saved.  What I have decided to do is turn my back on sadness, frustration, pain, and worry, and focus on doing all I can to share the Lord Jesus' promise with others.  If I give up it will go against all that I have preached about 'no fear in true FAITH', and will take away from the ones around me someone who does LOVE the LORD JESUS with all his heart.  I am turning back on MYSELF, and handing myself into the hands of the LORD JESUS, with the purpose and motivation of helping others instead of myself.

It is hard, it is SO VERY hard, BUT, the greatest expressions of FAITH can ONLY come in the most difficult of times.  Know that my spirit is caring for you, pulling for you, loving you as another lover of the ONLY TRUE GOD.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE, SISTER!

May the LORD OF ALL, JESUS CHRIST, fill you overflowing with HIS PEACE, HIS LOVE, and HIS UNDERSTANDING of things, THIS MOMENT.

Bless you Sister, and I'll see you at the finish line.

YbiC,
Scott