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When we first heard about the
Foster-To-Adopt Program, it had been our intention
to get a baby. One baby. I wanted to have the full
experience of raising a child from infancy. Since
I was not going to be able to experience the
actual pregnancy, I wanted to at least experience
the infancy process.
We realized very quickly that
babies are hard to get in the system. There are so
many older children who need homes, but there is
very often a wait for infants. Not only is there a
wait, it is also not guaranteed that you will be
able to keep this baby- or any child you are
placed with who’s status is still classified as
Foster rather than Foster-to-Adopt. The difference
in the status is whether or not the parent’s
rights have been terminated on that child or not.
We decided that we would
broaden the age range for children we would
accept. This is how we came to have the two sets
of children we had already been placed with rather
than infants.
But I still wanted to have a
baby. It was still something my husband wanted as
well, but I do not think it was as important to
him as it was to me.
We had almost increased our
license to four children when we found out the two
boys were back in the system, but I was so unsure
of being able to handle all of them. But now, I
wanted a baby! I did not know at this point
whether or not I could handle more than the two
children we already had.
One evening I told my husband
that I needed to spend some time with God. I went
into our room and shut the door. I spend a while
in prayer, wrestling with God over whether or not
I could handle three children, one of which would
be an infant. As I lay silently before God, just
meditating, I had a very distinct thought cross my
mind. I sat up very quickly, expecting someone to
be there. Who I thought it would be, I do not
know. I knew that it had not been my husband’s
voice, and there were no other adults in the
house.
Was I losing my mind? That is
just crazy! I remember going through these
thoughts in my mind. And then the realization hit
me. God has spoken to me again. But there was no
way that what I had heard could be possible!
I sat for a few moments, just
taking in what I knew I had heard. After a few
moments, I left our room. When I walked back into
the kitchen, my husband asked me if I felt better.
I chuckled and he asked what that meant. My exact
words were, “God is crazy!” He looked at me as if
I had literally lost my mind. What in the world
had caused me to say that?
I told him that God had told
me not to be afraid to go ahead with three
children, I would be just fine. In fact, He told
me to be prepared because we would have a total of
five children. When I told my husband this, I
laughed. But even then, I knew that God has
spoken. And I knew that I would not disobey. I had
made that mistake too many times in my life
before. I just did not know how in the world I was
going to be able to handle five children!
After discussing all of this
in depth, we decided we would increase our license
to three children, and hold the spot for an
infant. We were not ready to step out in faith at
this point and just accept that God had spoken. I
believe we were both in shock. My husband knows I
do not tell him that God has told me something
very often. In fact, I have been frustrated many
times in the past because I did not hear God’s
voice when I would pray so desperately for answers
in various different situations. We just were not
quite ready to accept that this would be our
reality. And there was the possibility that I was
just imagining things.
The next day I made the
call. Our license would be increased so that
we would be able to have three children in our
home.
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