RE: 1 Cor 10:31 "** I declared victory WAAAAAY too soon!!
Dear Sister Reva, I cannot pretend to have all the answers for you, and even what I am about to offer in this letter please take with a grain of salt, if it does not apply to you, discard it since I cannot look into your heart. However I have been where you are at, and your story is very similar to mine.
Some have labeled me a “Lone Ranger” because I have had a hard time finding a church home where I fit in and a lone sheep does indeed become easier prey for the wolves, however I do not think that is the root of your problem. I am still a bit of a Lone Ranger and I conduct myself much in the same way as you with daily devotionals and filling myself with the Word by listening to many solid Bible teachers each day even as you described.
Now here is the part to take with a grain of salt if it does not apply to you as I do not want to be like one of “Job’s counselors”, grasping at straws and going on a “fishing expedition”. However again I am only speaking out of a place of personal experience. It seems like you have done everything possible to neutralize demonic forces, but there may still be one thing attracting them - again, speaking from personal experience.
My personal experience is that demons are like any other vermin. Why does a mouse enter a house? Or why does a raccoon knock over a trash can? All pests are looking for a food source. You can set as many traps as you like, but until you cut off the food source, the pests keep coming back. So what is the food source for demons?
If God is pleased with faith, certainly Satan and his minions feed on fear. This is something that we often do not see in ourselves easily, but when I came to realize this about myself, I learned to cut off the food supply of fear and replace it with more and more and more faith. Scripture tells us how to do this:
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” I John 4:18
What clued me in that this might be the case for you as it was once for me was when you said: “So, having a crisis of faith, and with my DH & me getting into it – last night (and this Friday morning) I’ve all but shaken my fist in God’s face!!!! Terrible thing to admit; I’m just being honest”
Thank you for being honest. I will also be honest, I have felt this way too - and when you are ready to shake a fist in God’s face, what are you but angry and disappointed in God and that only comes from a place of fear. Fear, that He will not keep His promises to you, fear that He will not keep His word in your life, even as you cited a few scriptures like when you said: “1 Peter 3:22 says angels and authorities and powers have been made subject to Him….. so HE could stop this if He would/wanted to….???? Then…. WHY WON’T HE???? ”
There may also be fear that your relationship with DH won’t hold up, that your beliefs aren’t perfectly aligned (my wife and I are both believers but on crazy different spiritual levels) there may even just be fear of the demons themselves that you have exhausted all of your bag of tricks and they are still there mocking you and stealing from you. Like any good rat or raccoon vermin, they are feeding off of that I believe.
My advice, my dear sister is a hard “reboot” defaulting to love. Anytime something doesn’t make sense, default back to meditating on just how dearly precious you are to God and just how much Abba loves you, unabashedly, undeservingly, passionate unfailing love. the scripture does not say love casts out fear but PERFECT LOVE.
Meditate on that PERFECT LOVE, which is the Genesis of our faith.
I had to learn this myself last year when my mom passed away from Covid (actually not covid, but the failure of the medical system to correctly treat her covid but process her death in a way that the system decreed must be done). I was angry for a little bit at God, why couldn’t the prayer of the faithful over come the evil of the world?
I circled the hospital reading my Bible, confessing the Word and praying claiming the promises of faith and healing - I even blew a shofar several times outside of my mom’s room outside the hospital casting out any demons that were hanging around. I even went so far as to anoint my mom with oil in the hospital bed. We were not allowed regular visits but were shut out, but as she was drawing near death they allowed a couple of rare visits and suited us up in all the PPE like the movie outbreak. My faith gave me the boldness to sneak in a bottle of anointing oil in my pocket and when no one was looking I took off my latex glove and put oil on my finger and anointed her on the forehead while she was on the ventilator.
I claimed James 5:14-15 “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.”
My brother was there with me and we are both mature Christians and both have quite a bit of gray in our beards so I figured we should qualify as elders with faith - but my mom died. And the fear tried to creep in. Was God’s word fake or of no effect? That was the fear.
“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
I Corinthians 13:13
The faith had failed. The hope of her living was gone, I could have prayed for a resurrection but if my prayer of healing didn’t work, why would God raise her from the dead? So my faith was shaking and my hope was crushed, but when the virus of fear tried creeping into my “operating system” - my reboot of love happened, that’s why the greatest of these is love and why love never fails, I spent a lot of time meditating on how much God loves me, and how much He loves my mom, and while I may not understand why He performs His word the way He does - its ok, its ok today, and it will be ok tomorrow and one day it will be more than ok, it will be perfect and beautiful just as He intended. I just have to remember His love for me and not give in to the fear.
So even if the demons steal the next 100 pair of glasses, do not feed them with fear or anger, rather starve them out by saying, its all going to be OK, God will find my glasses, or He will provide me with another pair because He loves me. If tensions rise with DH, do not worry, but remember God’s love for you and for him, and remember it will all be ok and starve out the demonic vermin of the fear food that they are so eagerly desiring.
If I am off base on any of this please forgive me, it is just what I perceive based upon my own experiences and the little bit of discernment that the Lord has given me.
By the time this letter is published Reva, it will be one week later which means I have been praying for you every day this week all week. If nothing else, remember you do have brothers and sisters on this forum who do care for you, if not I would not have taken the time to pray for you and write this letter today. We must comfort one another with the comfort by which we ourselves have been comforted.
I would also like to invite you to fellowship with me and a few of my friends if you have time on Friday nights. I do a weekly bible study on Friday nights at 6pm central time (I am In Tennessee). We are currently in Matthew and it is very casual, I usually do about a 30 minute study and then open up the forum for anyone to comment and share their thoughts on the scripture or really anything else. We then have a time for prayer, and since my meetings are recorded to be published on Rumble the following day, if there is any prayer request that needs to be kept private, we save that for after the recorded portion if any participant requests that. I really think you would enjoy our little group, and I would really like to pray for you in “person” (over zoom I don’t know if that counts lol)
Anyway, if you are ever interested in joining us, we would love to have you - unless I have technical problems beyond my control this link is usually always active Fridays at 6 PM central time, and there is a waiting room if anyone joins earlier.
Click https://us02web.zoom.us/j/5723953008 to join a Zoom meeting
This is an open invitation to anyone else who reads this and would like to join us by the way.
May God’s peace and love overwhelm you my sister,
Your brother in Yeshua,
Derrick Drew