I am sorry if this isn’t in perfect paragraph form English was NOT my best subject. If you take your time it will make sense.
 
I am asking for your prayers in dealing with my Asperger's. I was not diagnosed as a child and while I haven’t gotten a official diagnoses yet after mom talked with a nurse at her doctor’s and found out the nurse’s son had the same symptoms as me but got diagnosed with Asperger's we looked up Asperger's and found that it fits me to a tee. Since I wasn’t diagnosed as a child I never receive the social therapy that could have helped me as a result I have NO in person friends and No really life outside the house and a social phobia keeping me back. I have a lot of anger about not being diagnosed properly. it wasn’t my parents fault and while it wasn’t a diagnoses when I was first evaluated it became one a few years later yet I was not re-evaluated. I also get depressed because I have no friends I have no job I have no life outside my house. I had a friend in 2-4th grade before I moved to my current state he was two years younger than me which probably made things easier. Last Christmas I read in the letter his family sends at Christmas he is getting married this year (may already be by this time). Two years younger he is married and I have yet to have one date.
 
One of the hardest parts is my gift from God (possibly through the Asperger's) is working with elementary and pre-K kids yet in todays anti-male society, thank you radical feminists, any man who can work well with kids and is really liked by them is instantly labeled a pervert and treated as such in the professions working with kids. Day care is only 4% male so I have better odds of winning Powerball than getting into day care. and in elementary school they real don’t like caring men so it is only 9% male. I volunteered at a local one and they kids gave me hugs but the teacher’s, ALL female, saw it as I gave them hugs (the children initiated but as far as the women were concerned I was initiating the hugs). (the words one said to a boy who had his arms out to hug me – “Don’t hug him” still ring in my ears) I have the gift from God and NO way to use it in a male hating society. What’s is really tough is these days more children especially boys grow up with out a father at home, sometimes he walks away sometimes she (wife) pushes him out, and could use a good male role model or father figure.  Society seems to be at war with males especially men but even boys are treated badly often medicated because they aren’t like the girls who sit still and do the worksheets put in front of them. Our boys are emasculated and grow up to be emasculated men. Yet society heralds this as progress.
 
I try to find a job, because I would like to increase my giving to charity, but it is not easy. Because of my early experiences with girls I was distrustful of them and my experiences with women, and feminism, have not made me less distrustful but more distrustful of females. Of course I didn’t understand social norms rules and expectations so I had no male friends either. Though I do work better with boys I trust them more. It seems easy to work with, and get along with or befriend, elementary and earlier kids I guess because the social cues like body language and having to read between the lines aren’t present yet. The social rules are simpler and easier to figure out. It is hard when you look around you and see you old classmates are married have jobs and kids and houses and you have NOTHING. My mom has been really understanding and helpful I thank God for her and dad has been somewhat understanding but I don’t think he really understands what I am going through.
 
You know who I talk to the most?? Myself. Not audibly just in my head. I know it sounds crazy or meshuga but I am the only one available to talk when ever. You try finding someone at midnight or 1 am. I always discuss things as if talking to another person, I did this as a child, but because I have no one else I must discuss things with myself. It is kind of sad but when you have no friends where else do you turn?? I talk to my mom a lot but sometimes it just seems easier to work it out myself. and if she is asleep I have no one else to go to. One thing I like about the internet is I can connect to people all over the states and the globe but I don’t really know them and it isn’t the same as having a in person friend. It is hard feeling so alone.
 
I am indoors a lot because of the sensory issues with direct sunlight. I can go outdoors but I like to limit how much. Being in a car is better than walking.
 
I know God has things for me in the NJ like a nice house of my own, children to raise as my own, extra doggies and other animals to care for, fiends both young, my age and older, and I know he has great things for me in the MK and beyond like being a elementary teacher (K-6), a pre-K Sunday School teacher( or Saturday School whatever day the Sabbath we observe will be I don’t care which it is), and maybe even a youth pastor (or rabbi or whatever title we have) for Junior youth (2 yo-7th grade). I would prefer to be called “Uncle Paul”. ( I have been called “Cousin Paul” by my little cousin whom I dote on, I just wish they lived closer not across state, and “Mr. Paul” by the kids I have worked with in elementary schools and hope to be “Dad”, the best title, in the NJ but the title that would be great to have in the MK and eternity, second to “Dad”, would definitely be “Uncle Paul”. I would enjoy have a innumerable amount of nephews and even nieces). I am a only child. mom told me that one time when I was walking down the hall at home when I was young I was leaning on the wall a bit and she heard “if you have others they’ll be jealous” and that factored into be not having siblings. So I have no biological nephews and nieces. But we all know families are built on love not on biology so the kids in the MK will truly be my nephews and nieces.
 
To restate I would like your prayer’s dealing with this Asperger's and the associated feelings (anger and depression).
 
Paul