I read your letter, interesting yet troubling.
Baptism is also for  a public show against the enemies that you are serious
You must humble yourself and have some  one else baptize you.
That is what Jesus did.
None of us is perfect Christians, including you.
http://www.fivedoves.com/letters/march2012/mikep32.htm
 
If you isolate yourself from other Christians you fall into deep deception
Paul warned about that.
You must humble yourself.
There are good Christians around you.
If you are overly critical of others it is a reflection on yourself.
Isolation leads to deception.
Some of these thoughts you have are unhealthy