Response to David about Brittany

Dear David,
My heart broke as I read your message. Your desperation came through so clearly. I also had a prodigal who broke my heart, so I felt that I must respond to you. I will share my testimony with you, but first, I want to remind you yet again of all of those things that your brothers and sisters in Christ have already reminded you of, because no matter how many times you have heard these things, you know in your heart, soul and spirit that they are true.

1) You must trust God. There are so many things that we don't understand. God's ways are higher than ours.  Brittany is in need of deliverance, but she has to make the move.  Some people's spirits/souls are more resistant to the Holy Spirit; but, that doesn't mean that God is not at work. Sometimes people have to get to a very bad place before they finally submit to the Holy Spirit and perhaps Brittany has not reached that place quite yet. I am sure that she has some very rough days living the life that she is currently living. Be careful about rescuing her over and over. As much as it hurts, she needs to get to her place of need for Jesus.
2) Based on your message, it is very clear that you need to accept God's peace. Your faith will give you that. Perhaps you can look up some scriptures about peace and meditate on those? Just know, that you know, that you know, that God is at work, even though you can't see the details.  He is just your God and you know that He does not lie and He does not want anyone to perish but all to have eternal life and you know that He has been faithful in so many other answers throughout your life. Your worry will only harm you physically, emotionally and mentally and it can harm relationships that you treasure. God doesn't want you to worry.
3) I will pray for Brittany as well.

Now for my testimony - it was the summer before my son (my only child) was set to leave for college in another state and everything was well with the world. I was so full of joy. My husband got moved to second shift though, and that was a disappointment because we were looking forward to the empty nest time. I was coming home from work one day and on the radio I heard the scripture from Joshua 1:9 - "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and couragous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." It was at that point that I realized over the course of a couple of weeks I kept getting the same message over and over about not being afraid/worried. To this day, I remember exactly where I was when I heard it. A fear gripped my heart when I made that realization and I asked, "God, are you speaking to me? What do I have to be afraid of?" A few weeks later my son went off to college and I was home alone every evening. I didn't mind it so much and could get quite a few things accomplished in the evenings. But it wasn't long before I started getting an uneasiness in my heart and felt that something may be wrong with our son. I would speak to him on the phone on rare occassions and there just seemed to be something that told me something was amiss. I remember praying one night for the Holy Spirit to convict him, and you know - that very next day I opened my emails and found a message from him confessing all of the sins that he had been involved in at his college. He said that he was going to make a change right then and there, he was coming back to the Lord. I could hear the confidence and sincerity in his voice and was so very thankful. It wasn't long before I realized that somewhere along the way, he got sidetracked. Needless to say, I would come home from work every night and go to my bed and cry out to my Lord. It actually worked out well that my poor husband wasn't home because this went on nearly every night. I remember I used to keep praying this and then I would pray that, I thought I hadn't found the prayer that God would answer yet, so I kept trying to pray more scripture and reminding Him of His promises - it was as though I had come to believe that there must be this very special prayer or this very special scripture that I just hadn't prayed or recited yet, so I kept trying, as if it took me doing something to make this miracle happen. He decided to change colleges after only one semester and came back to the state where we were living. Things weren't any better and in fact he had grown distant and cold toward us. He seldom ever came home, but that didn't stop my continued praying and crying out to the Lord. It was the week of Easter during that second semester of college and I had decided that I wanted to follow Jesus on the journey of His last week by reading each day's account in each of the gospels. It was Thursday (Maunday Thursday) and I was in the book of Mark. Keep in mind that I hadn't even thought about my son's situation yet that evening, I was just reading the Word. Anyhow, I was in the book of Mark and Jesus was crying out to His father, and right as I finished Mark 14:35 where it says: Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. And all of a sudden a thought popped in my mind about my son. It was a thought that I had NEVER had until that very minute. That thought was - what if my son never repents, what if his spirit is never willing to return to the Lord? Oh my, that was the worst thing I could ever have thought of and I literally tore my clothes, just like they did in the Old Testament - I was so distraught and I cried for such a long time I cried over and over and over, "Lord, can't you change his will? Can't you do anything about his will? Is there NOTHING you can do??? Then after about an hour, I got ahold of myself and I went back to my reading and this is what I read, starting with verse 36 (Jesus was speaking) "Abba Father," he said, "everything is possible for you." (note - my heart started racing here, I felt that Jesus was speaking right to me....EVERYTHING is possible for you) "Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what You will."    Wait, what did He just say???? Not what I will, but what you will???? Will? Will? Free will?? By this time, I thought that my heart would beat right out of my chest. I had to read more, I had to see what He wanted me to know, so I went on to read verses 37 and 38 - Then he returned to His disciples and found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." What???? What did He just say???? The spirit is willing, but the body is weak? He WAS talking to me! I looked at the bottom of my study Bible where the explanations/references are and here is exactly what it says - The spirit is willing. When that part of man that is spirit is under God's control, it strives against human weakness. The expression is taken from Psalm 51:12. Psalm 51:12???? I had to go there, I had to read that - here is what it says: Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.  WOW! This was David praying and he is asking God to grant (give) him a willing spirit! From that day forward, I started praying Psalm 51:12 for my son. Lord, please, in the name of Jesus, we ask that you restore to Brittany the joy of your salvation and grant her a willing spirit to sustain her.
David - you sort of touched on this in your message, but don't you remember when Brittany first came to know the Lord and the joy.....oh the joy....she had in her heart and soul? This is possible again, because as Jesus reminded us, EVERYTHING is possible for God. But we don't direct God, we instead, make our own plans and He directs our steps. Brittany has made her own plans and He is directing her steps. They are taking the scenic route, but one day, she will come to the place of need again. The sex, the drugs, the alcohol, the money, the friends...none of them will satisfy and she will taste of the Lord once again and she will see that He is good, that He is satisfying, that His grace is sufficient.
I think it was right about the time that God gave me Psalm 51:12 to pray each day that I realized that there was no special prayer, there was no scripture that He was waiting on me to recite, He was in control of the situation and needed nothing at all from me, He had a plan. Just like his first college, our son went to that second college for only one semester as well. After that, he came home to our hometown where we have a wonderful Christian college. He finished out his last three years there and met the girl of his dreams. They just gave us our third little grandbaby three weeks ago and they live about ten minutes from us. I am not sure exactly where his walk is with Christ, but I am seeing evidence of God at work now, which I didn't for a long, long time - probably about six years actually.  He takes his family to church on Sundays and he and his wife attend Sunday School and small group. I see little glimmers here and praise God with all of my might! I know that He spoke all of that directly to me, because I had never even thought about a willing spirit until that very moment when I was reading that very scripture. Then when I went back to reading, He said all of the words that I needed to hear. As a matter of fact, I am sure that He didn't just do it for me alone, but also for those who hear my testimony. He did it for us David. He spoke to me and He spoke to you. I pray peace for you, my brother. Peace that passes all understanding because of all that you are now seeing with your eyes. We walk by faith and not by sight.  God's timing is PERFECT!

God bless you and your entire family,
Kim D.