Dear Mike,
You sound like a precious saint!  I would just like to say to you that I learned the hard way to not reach out to other Christian books/literature before reaching for the Bible.  There are many authors who say nice flowery things about God and Jesus, but in reality, they are off in the ditch thus dragging you right there with them.   I would also like to say that I spend as much time as possible in my prayer closet.  I mean, I literally go into my walk in closet and lay on the floor and wait for the LORD to show up. ( He NEVER fails to show up)  This is my "secret" place.  The closet is dark and this ensures that I can't be distracted from the LORD (my kids know it better be an emergency if they are going to bother me in there!)  Sometimes I pray there, pour out my heart to the Lord, sometimes I list my blessings and praise him for them, sometimes I cry, sometimes I just lay there in utter peace and rest in Him.  I also want to tell you one other thing, on the cross, the very last words spoken by Jesus were "It is DONE".  This is indicative of the fact that we don't have to DO anything more!  I think just the fact that you are so desperate for HIM blesses His socks off!!  He knows your heart and he sees your sincerity.  
I hope this post saves you much wheel spinning and wasted effort.  (Don't go and build a tower to get closer to God when he never wanted you to do that )  He just wants your unconditional love.  


In Christ,
Deborah


PS.
After searching high and low for devotionals, I found one that I stick to day after day,
It's called Daily Light on the Daily Path.  It is straight scripture that is of common theme
and all strung together.  I enjoy the New King James Version.  It is compiled by the
Samuel Bagster family.