Folks here
at Doves & even lurkers reading:
I wasn’t
sure I wanted to step in this, wasn’t sure it was my
place…. But even so, I sense at least a gentle
reminder/admonition is warranted here.
DP (poster
here) and his wife Beverly lost their precious daughter
Brittany recently. And possibly in a cruel and heinous
way.
Now I’ve
noticed this here many times before – when someone loses a dog
(which he also did shortly before losing their daughter) then
posters here “come out of the woodwork” to offer sympathy
& support!! Hey, I’m not lambasting that – I’m
a dog lover myself & I know all too well such pain when we
lose our furry companions. But when someone loses a
daughter for pete’s sake – his own flesh & blood, and the
heartache is deep & very, very real and the pain is almost
unbearable…… the board falls silent!!! What was it –
like 2 or 3 people total on here who offered sympathy?!
WHY IS THAT???
Maybe it’s
because we simply cannot fathom the pain, can’t touch it,
don’t even want to…..?? Maybe it’s because some
simply don’t know WHAT to say.
May I
suggest something from heartaches in my own past?? Even
if you so much go buy a one dollar sympathy card from the
dollar store & then use it as a guide (not copying word
for word of course) but use it as a guide to at least
write/say SOMETHING!!!! It hurts worse than
hades to feel that no one cares or is there for you when you
need support & sympathy in the worst way!!
I’m not
trying to turn this into a story about me, yet something
happened in our lives long ago: soon after our 3rd
miscarriage, ONE PERSON (my Sunday school teacher)
brought food!! Nice of him & we were grateful.
But because one other person (a busybody) in the church saw it
– then she ASSUMED we were covered & assumed the entire
class was taking care of us….. so she told the choir director
to “not bother”. OUCH!!
Another
time when my husband lost his father and we were spiraling
from the pain of that….. on the way home from the out-of-town
funeral, we rec’d a call from our church wondering if we could
please bring food to the funeral for a member who’d just lost
his father!! Now mind you, it was easy to make mental
notes here that the particular church member who’d lost his
father was RICH AND WELL KNOWN in the church!! So when I
told the lady we’d just lost my FIL, all we got was an “I’m
sorry!” Not so much as a sympathy card from the
church for us! Another OUCH!!
Eleven
years ago when I lost my mother, hardly anyone on this earth
bothered themselves with sympathy! I had a few online
friends who comforted me. But in “real life” as I call
it – NOTHING!!!!!!! Jilted by my SIL who lived in
town (a couple years later when they experienced a
death, we were told we “needed to BE THERE” for
them….)…… with my relatives who’d lost their mothers,
I’d sent flowers, cards, words of comfort, phone calls,
everything – my turn came &
NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!! Hey I get it that
everyone’s busy – aren’t we all?? But you know
even if one of my relatives didn’t wanna’ spend a buck on a
card, even if they would have taken a mere 2 seconds out of
their day to have emailed an “I’m sorry”….. it would have
meant a lot!! Same with my neighbors.
First you
feel the sting of death….. then you feel even worse that no
one gives a flip!! And even if they do, how are we to
know? Even if someone is praying for us, how are we to
know they care, unless they tell us?
When
someone in your circle or someone here experiences a death,
could I please encourage you to say something –
ANYTHING??!!!!! But don’t just sweep it under the
carpet & look the other way!! Just don’t do
that!!!!
From
Titus 3 New
Living Translation
Our people must learn to do good by meeting the urgent needs
of others; then they will not be unproductive.
The
“URGENT” needs!! I’d say a recent death is an
“urgent” need, wouldn’t you??!! We may not be his
neighbors or close friends or associates in order to take food
by….. but we do have in our power a computer, a monitor, and
fingers to type with – to offer at least a sentence or two of
comfort!!
Sure all of
us around here are waiting & watching for the Lord to come
& take us out of here and most agree: the sooner, the
better! But in the short time that’s left, let’s not
live unfruitful, unproductive lives…. Let’s not be cold &
uncaring to people who need a good word, a tiny drop of water,
a sentence or 2 of comfort and refreshment!!
I hope you
have read and pondered this in the good light as it is
intended.
Thank you.