Praise Jesus for your post my sister in the Lord. I too have wondered the same things. Let me say that if this is truly your heart's cry to the Lord, I would exhort you to ask the Lord to take the fear away which is being whispered to you by the enemy, which is the opposite of peace which is from the Holy Spirit. Just the fact that this is in your brain as you look around you speaks volumes that your spirit is in tune with the Holy Spirit. I agree with you, most of the church is fast asleep and it is grievous to most of us on this website. We shout out to people to wake up, Jesus/Yeshua is coming very soon and they can't hear. It tears me apart that a lot of people are going to be very surprised on that day.
I started by praying Luke 21:36 on a daily basis. Luke 21:36: Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man. It is actually a command, so I do it. I started being aware of the importance of doing this and watching by reading this awesome blog now for several years: http://christianitynotchurchianity.blogspot.com/ "Brother D" has been given this task by the Lord and his scope is narrow, but he just keeps on plugging away at his task, year after year, saying these same things, proclaiming as the Lord commands him. Awesome - can't wait to meet Brother D. His blog has been such a blessing to me.
As for agonizing over whether your garment if perfectly white, without spot, without wrinkle.....I think most of us have agonized over this. What I realized is that Jesus/Yeshua's finished work of redemption on the cross made your garment white as snow. His blood made it spotlessly white. He did it all and I mean ALL. Your slate is wiped clean and forgotten at salvation. Since our salvation experience though, I believe we should be daily examining ourselves, confessing our sins as soon as they occur, asking forgiveness for the sins we may have committed that we can't even remember, and strive to be Holy as the Lord Himself is Holy. Ask daily to be filled with the Holy Spirit to overflowing (get that oil in your lamp!) We cannot be perfect. We will drive ourselves crazy worrying.......however we try with every new day to choose to live the way the Lord would have us live. Ask Him what He has for you to do today.....and try to do it. We are striving to finish the race put before us - we are CONTENDING. We are flawed, sinful, fleshly at times, human beings, and the Lord understands this. We cannot be perfect because our flesh is always at war with the Spirit (Romans 7 & 8). Remember it is only because of His Blood covering that we are washed white as snow, not all our efforts and works (but they accompany true faith - faith without works is dead).
I like to think of the verse of "continuing to work out your salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12). What that means to me is that once-saved-always-saved and using that as a license to continue to sin and not be daily examining yourself is NOT THE WAY to go. I also believe the fear part is meant as a holy respect towards an awesomely perfect God! And the trembling part I take on as a daily examination of myself, my motives, my thoughts, trying to bring them in alignment with Jesus/Yeshua. Only because of Jesus/Yeshua taking our sin from us can we boldly enter into the presence of the Father and talk to him as a loving Abba Daddy, in respect but not fearful of Him. And we are commanded to "abide" in Him, continue in the faith, contend to finish the race set before us. This is just the understanding I have been given. Someone who knows Greek, please help me here with this verse!!! (Sometimes I am overcome with a type of fear (not fearful) and I literally shake at his Holiness, but to me it's more of a realization of the awesome gift of Grace I've been given that I didn't deserve at all).
The last thing you mentioned has always bothered me too - about Christians being persecuted all over the world in such horrible ways. Why not us? Great question. We did not choose our parents, nor what country we were born in. At first I thanked the Lord with such gratitude that I was born in the US, but lately I have been wondering if it was such a blessing, having been a pew-warmer myself for so much of my Christian life. Then it occurred to me that the trials we face in the church that is fast asleep and not watching and waiting for their Bridegroom may be just as hard, but in a different way. I know that sounds crazy, but if we are deadly serious about serving the Lord, the enemy will be all over you and you will be severely tested, but only as the Father permits the testing, for your own good. If we are not being hated or persecuted in some way, then something is amiss.
I believe somehow the measure of faith these persecuted Christians are given and exhibit and the gifting they are given is somehow different than what is the norm here. Grace MUST abound much more to stand up for Christ under such conditions -torture, beating, death. Their choice to convert to Christianity must be a deadly-serious matter, which it SHOULD be for us lazy Americans too. There will be different rewards and different crowns for the different churches. I think our narrow path might be even more narrow than their path and harder to find it - because it is so black and white for them, and we have had it so easy here that perhaps that path is sometimes harder to discern, just a thought. I need to pray more for these dear brothers and sisters along with you. So long answer short, I don't know why it is so much worse everywhere else. I need to be ready to die for my faith too, and I pray that if it came to that, that I would be given strength to die for my Lord and Savior. However America ain't so pretty either - our country was born of the Illuminati and we are just as sinful, perverse, horrendous, and corrupt as what you see elsewhere but it's just "hidden" under a Judeo-Christian veneer. We have been covered in grace for much of the time the US has existed because of the true Christian faith that has been here, but I believe that cover is being lifted now and we are coming under severe judgement.
God Bless you Robin. Just keep asking for faith, strength, wisdom, strive to be holy and give the rest to the Lord. Try to rest and stand on His promises. And praise Him PRAISE HIM! Thank you Jesus for our wake up call, you are so gracious and merciful. Sorry I'm so wordy, but I hope this helps or blesses in some small way. I wish we could all be together in person, right? But at least we have the gift of the internet.