Hi Kristy,

Your posting did bring tears to my eyes.  I do think you have to make a commitment to following through with the divorce.  It’s all about priorities.

I will tell you that I too was saved at a very young age and Jesus has been a part of my every minute of everyday since that time.  He knows my every thought and deed. He is my best friend, my father, and I talk to him as such.   It is not to say that I haven’t had sin in my life or struggled with certain issues.  Sometimes I wonder how different it would have been to have lived a life not knowing Jesus and then to be saved at an adult age.  Would it feel different?  Would my outlook be different?  Just because you are saved at an early age doesn’t get you out of the trials and tribulation or the business of making choices between right and wrong.  In regard to sin, what is does get you, from my experience, is the weight of the Holy Spirit on your conscience when you are sinning.  It eats at you until you make change. If you don’t you feel such a heavy burden as Jesus keep trying to make you trust in him.

Someone once asked me why if they had prayed to be saved why they didn’t feel that way.  They always had doubt because they didn’t feel a miraculous change in themselves.  Doubt was something I haven’t had much experience with.  I told them that salvation is a gift you have to accept.  Once you accept it, there is no miraculous feeling to sin no more, that’s something you have to keep praying for and striving for.
(I’m not saying that may not happen with some people but it has not been what I have seen with others in my life or felt for myself.)

I always pray for God’s will be done not mine.  I may say what I would like to happen and I know God knows my every want.  I also know that what God wants for us is so much better than what I could ever want for ourselves.  No matter what people may say or think about themselves, I believe we are all sinners until the day we die.  Whether in thought or deed…..once in a blue moon or everyday, we all sin and have to keep praying to be relieved from sinful feelings or actions. I too have had feelings that I am not worthy and he must get frustrated with me at times but it is only by his grace and love that I will ever be worthy enough to enter into his kingdom.  And of that I have no doubt.

Keep praying and he will answer your prayers.  He will bring change to your life but you have to be prepared that He may want something different for you than what you have right now.  Ask for His will be done and make Him a priority.

Love in Christ
Jeanette