The other day I posted a message offering to sell a nice bridge in San Francisco cheap to my friend Neil Lipkin or anyone else who believes his conspiracy theories that the U.S. government is responsible for the 9-11 attack and the Oklahoma City bombing -- and now that the Patriot Act is a plot by Bush to just "get control" of our lives instead of protecting us against terrorists.

But the deal is off!  My offer is temporarily withdrawn until a new price is determined.

Neil called me this week.  Yes, we are good friends in spite of differences.  He said he wanted to buy my bridge.  I am not surprised.  I suspected he would bite on this.  At first I told him I would mail him an invoice and Certificate of Ownership for the bridge, but I suddenly came to my business senses and decided that my asking price was too cheap.  Adages in business are that (1) something is always worth what someone is willing to pay for it, and (2) you price something according to what the traffic will bear.

In the case of this bridge, (which, yes, is the San Francisco bridge -- someone asked), I decided that the price should be set according to the "gullibility quotient" of the potential buyer.  In this case, I have determined that Neil's gullibility quotient is rising, now that he has included the Patriot Act in his conspiracy theory -- even though the act basically only extends to terrorists the laws that have already been on the books for other criminals, and it is known to have already stopped a terrorist act against the Brooklyn Bridge and other places, and there is no record of the civil rights of any person ever violated, and I thank God for it.

Last week I estimated Neil's gullibility quotient was about 70, and now after speaking with him, I suspect it is about 80.  As it rises, my price rises.

So, the deal is off until I get a better measurement on Neil's gullibility quotient, and then I will make an offer.  Since there may be other Dove readers who may agree with Neil and who also have high gullibility quotients, I may put the bridge up for auction and let the conspiracy theorists bid against each other.  I may even sell joint ownership, or time shares.  Hey, time sharing is a great idea!

I suspect they will bid the price up quite high.
 
Jim

(Yes, there are conspiracies, but the master conspirator, Satan, is behind most of them, orchestrating them, and unwitting, unregenerate humans are merely pawns.  In the case of 9-11, the pawns were crazed, demon-possessed Islamic radicals.  "We battle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers and rulers of this present darkness.")

Jim