I've been MIA for a while.
If anyone remembers me writing about my husband in Afghanistan.....you would remember how I was "striving" under the burden of his salvation for him. Many of you doves were so loving and thoughtful in your responses to me and I still humbly stand in appreciation of it all. I have since given up that burden and left it at Jesus' feet. The heaviness is gone.
He will be home shortly, in about 1 1/2 weeks for a month's stay, and I have been praying and thinking about a lot of things. First, I have come to believe or understand that he is very likely saved, born-again, but a very little baby Christian. My husband exhibits the fruits of the spirit, and sometimes the most unbelievable things come out of his mouth when we are just having a normal conversation that I KNOW just have to be from the Lord. He doesn't even know what he is saying, or where the thought comes from, or even what he is feeling emotion-wise. My husband is a man of very few words, and has stuffed his emotions down inside of himself all his life.
I believe I have been taken down a few notches in my "understanding" of [his] being born-again. I think sometimes people do have a genuine salvation experience, with true repentance, but then they don't grow as I would expect to see growth in my own understanding. I think some people hear the Holy Spirit speak to them, but they do not recognize it as His voice....... In my husband Mark's case, he was abandoned by his drug-addict parents, but then raised by a very godly, very meek and humble grandmother. I think I remember one of you doves giving encouragement about how the Word never NEVER GOES OUT void. I believe now this was the case with my husband.
As for me, being saved since 1980, it is hard to remember what it was like in the very beginning. In the last few months, the Lord has been showing me so many ugly things about myself - attitudes, judgements, critical spirit......the list goes on. Yet sometimes, my baby-Christian husband "shows me up" so to speak. Out of the mouth of babes......(is all I can think). In my wrong "estimation" of my husband's state of salvation, his behavior in many cases has "shown me up and shut my mouth." Amazing.
OK, now here's the request. I know that I need to be the spiritual leader, as far as praying and reading the Bible, or having a study. He is not at the point where he can do that. Now the Lord has shown me the difference between me being the head in that respect vs. putting my husband over me as my head in submission. Two different things. I can submit to him in respect, knowing that the Lord will lead him in kindness towards me, covering me. I trust the Lord enough to do that now. That submission thing has been a true struggle for me all my life, but the PRIDE has been knocked out of me in the last few months, glory to Jesus! But as far as taking the lead in our home, in study, prayer and reading, I know I have to step up to the plate.
So................can anyone suggest a Bible Study I can do with my husband that brings me/us back to the basics - the very basics that you first learn when you are first born again - the fundamentals of the faith. I'd like to buy two studies in actual book form, so he can write in one and I can do my own. Honestly, it's been so long for me, I just can't remember and don't have any idea what to get. Some things are so ingrained in your for so long that you just take them for granted. I try to think back to the very first things I read in the early 80's - I would like to stick to classics perhaps. There are so many false teachers out there in these end times (and I experienced one or two in the last few months) that it makes me very leery of anything "new". I welcome any suggestions. I do so love Tozer, as we usually see some of his teaching every day on Doves, but Tozer goes so deep, I'm not sure that would be right for my husband. I need basic and simple.
I want to truly be a good example to him, which I never have been before. Whenever he was home before, I neglected my own quiet time in favor of just being with him. I let my Bible reading slide. I know I cannot do that again or it will truly grieve my Lord. I also have been told by the Lord not to "hit him upside the head" with the Rapture stuff - just the basics of the Faith. He's heard more than enough of my rapture ranting and raving. He needs a solid foundation.