I don't know who you are but, your letter today has really "got to me"......during my prayer time the Lord spoke to my heart, and I have gone to bed and now cannot rest until I share my thoughts.
Your reaction to The Passion of Christ, seems to me, that in the Spirit, your own Spirit and the Holy Spirit has had a cleansing session, revelations that go deeper than words. "Deep calling unto Deep" From experience this is both painful but also, transforming.
I have been at the actual Place of the Cross, I have kissed a piece of The Wood of The Cross, and the terror and pain that went through my body and soul was excruciating/immense, my body and system went into a huge panic attack, with the tears for hours afterwards. He did suffer like no other human has ever or will ever. This depth of grief and inadequate feelings are pretty "normal and healthy". This purging of your senses is to be expected...in Faith.
The closer you get to Jesus, the more conviction will come through the Holy Spirit. The higher you go in the Spirit,the lower you have to descend within yourself....
We all have our own journey's and experiences, but without going into pre-destination(!) We were chosen before God created the world in the Book of Life, to believe in Jesus, the Messiah, the Father Almighty and the Most Holy, Holy, Spirit. So, "Take heart, and hold on to what you have" Jesus I believe said this to me this afternoon for you.
He also said, "I AM COMING SOON."
God Bless you Paul and remember we were all lost once until we found and fell totally and eternally inlove with the Beloved and it is what He wants, for us to throw ourselves at His feet, with the love and abandonment, trust of a child....then He can mould us and teach us!
In Christ Jesus,