I keep talking to people I know and they seem to have the same feeling I do.  And I don't know if this is a feeling with a lot of the Bride who are watching for Jesus, that are not caught up in this prosperity gospel.   But I feel that the illusion of beautiful things have been taken off my eyes over the last several years and things don't feel the same.

When I was caught up in sin there was an illusion of beauty surrounding money.   I seemed to always wanted to date men who only drove expensive cars and had big houses.   The more handsome and rich he was I would "trade up" for a better man.   I was easily lured and impressed by these powerful rich men and never seemed to find any flaws in them.   And then when someone better came along I thought I must be something great.   Of course I had an attitude about my appearance and thought I was very beautiful, I was very vain and I was quite arrogant.  

Wow, how delusional I was!  Now that I have gotten really saved and turned from alcohol, cigarettes and other addictions, something has totally changed regarding the way I am able to view things.  It is like Matthew 6:19 coming alive in my life.  Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

I can go to places now and be around very wealthy people and their homes, etc. and it is like the blinders have been taken off.   All of a sudden I see the cracks in the stucco on the home, the sloppy paint job on the baseboards, the scratches in the paint of their car, the jealousy, depression or anger in their faces.   I think to myself, well I am glad for them that they can enjoy their lives for this short while with these nice things, but I turn and see dust on a table or scuffs on the marble and think WHAT MAINTENANCE!   I think I will lose my mind!  

It is not that I am sitting there looking for flaws so that I can go back and gossip and say, oh this person is not so great because they have errors.   I don't care to gossip and I really don't care if someone is not perfect.   It is just that this bubble of vanity and illusion of beauty that I was taken in a whirlwind in has been burst.   And when it burst I did feel pretty depressed.   But thankfully Jesus gave me a new heart and a new perspective and that is to be able to go into situations of friends or companies where people who seem to have it all really don't and I can help them with decades of paperwork, collections, problems, whatever.   It seems that I can separate the fact that they have this glamour or wealth from the problems that need to be handled and it makes no difference to me.   I see them as a soul who is on a path either to Heaven or Hell and that maybe if I do something nice for them they will see the love of God in their lives just once.  

I seem to be able to do these things for other people and not myself which is really weird and I think the Lord did this to get the attention I used to spend on myself to others.   I feel that when I help others now my life seems to handle itself by the Lord and I feel free. 

Even if I had dozens of maids, or many animal handlers, the bigger life that I have the more maintenance it is....I would be so caught up in monitoring everyone and their performance, their salary, and how well things were "maintained" that I would be totally consumed.    The yacht would always need new parts, the cars would always need to be maintained at such high levels, the many mortgages, all the employees, the maintenance of all the houses, the maintenance of all the horses and animals, and all the events I would have to be prepared to go to.  

No, I do not want to have such treasures here on this earth to be so burdened with the maintenance of them, to be a slave to them, to be a slave to others that I have to be dragged around like a dog to event after event to make an appearance that I don't really want to go to!   I want to have a simpler life that is manageable and where I am not afraid of losing anything, that I don't hold on so desperately that I would be willing to sue my family for money or an estate.   I don't want to have to be in the office of my attorney, broker, banker, insurance companies, financial planner all the time to manage my life.   I want to just get through this life and run the race to get out of here and have all of those things that I desire in Heaven where there is no maintenance, it is eternal, never has to be replaced and is always clean.   Do I want to have my houses painted all the time, by Bentley serviced and waxed all the time?   Do I want to check my accounts all the time to make sure my brokers are not losing money by buying and selling bogus stocks?  No!

While I am not condoning living like a hermit, or that is wrong to have nice things or money, I am merely stating that I don't put my trust or identity in them anymore that they dictate my time, who I am, what I do and my sense of self worth.   The things and the money don't control me anymore.  I view them as a tool to spread the gospel if I have them and a temporary gift from God that is helping me run the race as a bit of encouragement to keep going.   Not to stop and say WOW I have made it in life, I am so rich and great, I can tell people what to do.   I don't view myself as a mini god anymore and since I have humbled myself before God I actually feel more confident and secure which I never thought would happen.