To Rowina, I read your post and my heart goes out to
you. You've a tug-of-war going on, don't you? May I
share with you a little something? My father had
Cancer. He was given 6 months to live without
treatment. He spent time traveling to us here in Wi. from
ND to undergo Radiation. Back home in ND, he
once again was told he had to returned to undergo it
some more.....at this top University Hospital.
During that time, he was so miserable with the train traveling,
throwing up, wearing that urninary bag and
life's discomfort, he was more dead than alive. He
passed away 6 months later after losing over 1/2 of his body
weight at the age of 48.
On the other hand, my mother also had cancer, given
6 weeks to live and declined going through what my
father did. She passed away in 5 weeks. What am
I saying Rowina? From personal observation I learned first
hand that God knows the very number of hairs on our head and He,
alone, determines the length of our days. We
can't add to them and we aren't to take away from them
(suicide). You probably think that this is easy for
me to say. Let me get to myself.
Nearly 7 years ago, I suffered the 10th fall on my
already broken tail-bone which was bent at a 3/4 angle that I
suffered many years earlier when thrown from a horse along
with 2 broken vertabrae. Three weeks in the hospital
later, the tail-bone wasn't dealt with. It has
been a real sore spot for me since this last fall that,
literally, requires me to stand nearly the whole day
because of 'sitting' issues. It cannot be fixed
because surgery may cripple me.
But back to that year, nearly 7 years ago, my whole
body had been massively infected from a cadaver bone put into my
mouth for a couple of teeth transplant by a dentist who didn't
ask me or even test me for blood compatability several years
earlier. I have RH negative blood and by putting in an
unmatched blood type bone, he might as well have shot me up
with a poisonous agent because
it caused my immune sytem to fight itself and I
deteriorate badly which led to a loss of 30 lbs. over a few
short weeks. That led to two oral surgeries to remove
the implants. Mind you, I still wasn't eating, only a
bite here or there as I was able to choke it
down. Following on the heels of that I had a mild
stroke (for which I didn't even go into the hospital but found
out later from my Nuerologist in physical
thyrapy. You could say I was a walking piece of
skeleton with only one outlet and that was to grow in the
Prophetic Word as I stood in front of my computer.
We are still in the same year when my husband had another
heart attack and had a Pace-Maker put in. I stood against
the cold walls of the hospital during those days so
sick that if I didn't have the wall to lean against I would
have lain on the floor. I weight only 90 lbs.
Rowina, I begged to die every day, EVERY DAY. I was
born-again so was eagerly looking forward to going to be
with Jesus and get away from the on-going pain. Every
morning, no matter how I begged God to just put me out of my
misery, I'd find myself having to face another day......Oh
No...! Do you see what I am saying? Here we
have 1 person doing all he could do to prolong his
life. Another one that accepted her fate. And me,
who begged to die and He would not answer that
request. Rowina, I cried, begged, didn't
eat, unable to sleep until a friend gave me sleeping
pills. Eventually, I got pain medication. My
husband was sure I had also lost my mind because my speech had
been affected at the time. It was decided we'd best move
back home. I don't know why because our kids didn't
even call that whole year to see how we were doing. They
didn't even know our condition. I, like,
Nichole, did the packing, moved furniture, unpacking because
hubby wasn't able to and there was no one
else. I was 63 yrs. old that year and he
74. As I failed physically, I grew so much spiritually,
I'm able to see things as I would never have seen in the
natural. It was then I could understand what the
political/religious 'hidden agenda" was all about. I
used to play church but I see my purpose now and it isn't
church. No, I am not out of pain but my "Spunk" has
returned and the first place I head every morning is to this
link and others to learn and pass along the teaching to others
who would never have gotten it. I have never been so
excited about His Coming as I am at this time.
Wow! What a life our Lord Jesus is saving us
from. When He speaks of the evil in His
Word, it is so awful that He gave His life to redeem
us from the clutches of the enemy. That fact never really
hit me until I realized the gross evil in this world.
Salvation is a gift we cannot even comprehend.
Rowina, God has His eyes on each of us and only He
knows what He has for you to do during the days
He given to you. I pray for a miracle for you
and a great sign from Him to show you if you should travel or
stay put.
Please let me share this medical article with you and know
that I pray you come to the right decision and that your days
will be filled with peace as we await His Glorious Coming.
Love to you, Gerlinda