Dee,

I hear your struggle on several fronts, and my heart goes out to you.  I know you want to please the Lord, and everyone else in your path.  The enemy knows our weaknesses, and takes full advantage of them.  He is using every opportunity to try and make you stop working for the Lord.  You must be doing something right, or he wouldn’t be so vigilant.  Command these foul spirits to leave you in the name of Jesus.  Also pray a hedge of protection around you and your mind.  You need to put on the armor of God, and stand on the Word.  Ephesians 6:11-13 says, “Put on the whole armor of God so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the world's rulers, of the darkness of this age, against spiritual wickedness in high places.  Therefore take to yourselves the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” (MJKV Version).

 

If you are a “people pleaser and perfectionist,” as I have been much of my life, then your self-worth is based on how others see you, not self-acceptance.  This trait can be the motivation in helping others, but can also leave the feeling of never doing enough.  However, after walking with the Lord for many years, he has given me the grace to accept my failings.  I don’t have to be “perfect” to be one of His chosen ones, and couldn’t if I tried.  Peace comes in giving up the struggle, and allowing the Lord to heal these obsessions.

 

You speak as if you understand what people have been saying to you, but do you really accept these statements?  It is one thing to say “I KNOW THIS,” but if you can’t accept it in your own spirit, then you will always feel like a failure.  We all feel “unworthy,” and we are, but our worth doesn’t come from how much we accomplish for the Lord.  As Isaiah 64:6 says, “But we are all as the unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as a menstruation cloth,” (MJKV).  I was shocked the first time I heard a Pastor speak about this verse.  Women truly understand this meaning, and it has changed the way I see myself in regards to my own righteousness, or lack thereof. 

I don’t have all the answers, but I have walked in your shoes for many years.  I have spent countless hours writing and rewriting letters to loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and anyone who might listen.  I have tried witnessing to family members and friends, who see me as crazy and foolish.   I do take comfort in the fact that even Jesus was not spiritually accepted in his own village.
 

The burden to save people falls at the feet of Jesus.  There will not be one person left behind, at the Rapture, who was meant to be saved.  If we fail to see the harvest, it doesn’t mean that we haven’t planted the seeds.  If our hearers reject us, or we have somehow failed to do our part, Jesus will bring along someone else to finish the job.  If they are meant to go in the Rapture, they will hear and accept the truth before that time.
 

This brings me to the next part of the message.  There will be more people saved during the Tribulation, than possibly anytime in the history of the world. 

Rev. 7:9-11 says, “After these things I looked, and lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, out of all nations and kindreds and people and tongues, stood before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, with palms in their hands… And one of the elders answered, saying to me, who are these who are arrayed in white robes, and from where do they come?  And I said to him, Sir, you know.   And he said to me, these are the ones who came out of the great tribulation and have washed their robes, and have whitened them in the blood of the Lamb.  Therefore they are before the throne of God, and they serve Him day and night in His temple.   And He sitting on the throne will dwell among them.  They will not hunger any more, nor thirst any more, nor will the sun light on them, nor any heat.  For the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne will feed them and will lead them to the fountains of living waters.  And God will wipe away all tears from their eyes.” (MJKV)  

I believe that the burden you and I have been given is for a greater cause.  The Bible says that God’s Word does not return void.  All of our tears and prayers are stored in heaven.  The outreach that we have undertaken, is mostly designed for those who will go through the Tribulation.  We have been obedient, and the “fruit of our labor” will be recognized.

I like to pray that our loved ones will face the coming trials in the easiest possible way.  The Lord knows what it will take for each person to bend the knee.  I have also asked him to separate my emotions, from the job he has given me.  I can honestly say that I have peace in the circumstances 

Dee, I never meant to write a novel.  You have really touched my heart, and I hope some of this has helped.  The Lord doesn’t want you to be physically ill in trying to do His work.  He has chosen you “for such a time as this.”  Feel blessed and special in the gifts He has given you.  When you think of priceless objects, and the value of a “ONE OF A KIND” item, remember that you are this vessel to God.  There is no one on earth who is exactly like you.  Your name is written in the palm of God’s hand.  If you ever feel worthless again, remember that you were “chosen from the foundation of the earth” to follow Jesus.  You can’t ever make a mistake that will take this away.

I wish you many wonderful days ahead.  In Christian love, Pam