MORMONS AT THE DOOR

 

RELIGION REARS IT'S UGLY HEAD AT THE MOST INOPPORTUNE TIMES

LIKE WHEN YOU'RE IN A PICKLE AND ASKING GOD FOR SIGNS

LIKE WHEN YOU'RE IN A DISASTER AND 911 PUTS YOU ON HOLD

AND THE PRAYER LINE READS YOU SCRIPTURES WHILE YOU'RE FREEZING IN THE COLD.

LIKE WHEN YOU'RE BEGGING FOR SOME BREAD AND THE MISSION SAYS THEY'RE OUT

THAT'S WHEN YOU FIND THE TRUTH OF WHAT RELIGION'S ALL ABOUT.

OH, I CAN'T HELP YOU NOW, YOU'RE TOLD, COME BACK TOMORROW MORN

AND I WILL HAVE SOME KOOL-AID FOR YOU AND A CAN OF CORN

AND I WILL HELP YOU FIND A JOB AND MAYBE, TOO, A HOUSE

BUT YOU GO BACK AND THEY LOOK AT YOU LIKE YOU ARE A LOUSE

AND YOU JUST SMILE AND SAY THAT'S FINE, I UNDERSTAND SO WELL

AND IN YOUR HEART YOU KNOW THEY WISH THAT YOU WOULD GO TO HELL.

AND YOU GET BY AND YOU JUST TRY AND SOMEHOW THINGS GET GOOD

AND YOU GET A JOB AND A CAR AND A WIFE AND BUY YOUR OWN DURN FOOD

AND YOU COME UP IN THE WORLD THAT PASSED YOU BY WHEN YOU WERE JUST A BUM

AND THOSE FOLKS THAT JOKED AT YOUR MONEY REQUESTS WRITE YOU TO ASK FOR SOME.

AND YOU THINK HARD ABOUT THEIR LORD AND TURN DOWN ALL THEIR PLEAS

CAUSE THEY COULD SHOW NO MERCY TO YOU WHEN YOU WERE ON YOUR KNEES.

AND YEARS GO BY WITH NO RELIGION AND NO RIGHTEOUSNESS AND SUCH

AND YOU GET OLD AND YOU CATCH COLD AND REALISE YOU NEED A TOUCH

AND YOU START THINKING BOUT THE AFTERLIFE AND WONDER WHERE YOU'D GO

IF THERE'S A HELL WITH FLAMES SO HOT OR A HEAVEN THAT IS GOLD

AND WHILE YOU'RE SITTING IN YOUR CHAIR AND STARING AT THE FLOOR

YOUR LITTLE WIFE CALLS OUT TO YOU THERE'S MORMONS AT THE DOOR.

YOU ASK THEM IN AND ASK ABOUT SIN AND THEY TELL YOU YOU'RE A GOD

AND YOU ASK THEM IF IT'S TRUE THAT YOU ARE MADE OF JUST SOME SOD

AND THEY TELL YOU THAT THE ANGEL MORONI HAS GIVEN THEM THE TRUTH

AND IF YOU'LL READ THEIR LITERATURE THEN YOU WILL SEE THE PROOF

BUT IF YOU JOIN THEIR HOLY BAND YOU'LL HAVE TO TAKE SOME CARE

AND GET BABTIZED FOR YOUR DEAD KIN AND WEAR HOLY UNDERWEAR.

AND BOY, THAT SOUNDS ALRIGHT TO YOU. YOU THINK THAT YOU WILL JOIN

THEY TELL YOU WHAT TO EAT AND DRINK AND HOW TO SPEND YOUR COIN

THEY SAY THAT IN THE WORLD TO COME YOU'LL HAVE SOME NINETEEN WIVES

AND YOU AGREE, SAY THAT'S FOR ME, YOUR IDEA OF PARADISE

BUT YOUR LITTLE WIFE, SHE SAYS, NO THANKS, OLD MAN, YOU ARE INSANE

AND OPENS THE DOOR AND PUTS THE MORMONS OUT INTO THE RAIN.

THEN TWO DAYS LATER, JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES WAKE YOU UP AT DAWN

WITH WATCHTOWER TRACTS AND A THOUSAND FACTS AND YOU YELL AT THEM BE GONE!

ONLY 144, 000 THEY SAY WILL MAKE IT INTO THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN

AND THEY CAMP OUT ON YOUR DOOR STEP AND PREACH TO YOU BOUT LEAVEN

BUT THEY CAN'T ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS AT ALL, THEY JUST CONFUSE YOU MORE

AND YOU RUN THEM OFF BUT NOT BEFORE THEY HAVE PLASTERED THEIR TRACTS TO YOUR DOOR.

 

 

THE MOONIES COME BY AND YOU GIVE THEM A TRY AND YOU FIND IT AN INTERESTING SCENE

WITH THEIR ROBES AND THEIR FLOWERS, THEIR BALDHEADS AND SMILES AND THE WAY THEY PLAY THEIR TAMBOURINES

BUT THEY'RE JUST RAISING MONEY FOR HIM, THE BIG GUY WHO LIVES IN THE PALACE

WHILE THEY BEG ON THE STREETS WITH A QUOTA TO MEET AND SUFFER IN HIS DISDAINING MALICE.

TWO NUNS IN HABITS COLLECTING CLOTHES FOR CHARITY RUMMAGE SALES

JUST HAPPEN BY AND THOUGHT THEY'D TRY AND RING YOUR DUMB DOORBELL

YOU GIVE THEM SOME SHOES AND SING THEM THE BLUES AND THEY OFFER TO HELP YOU CARRY

AWAY ALL YOUR JUNK INTO THEIR TRUNK AND THEY TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MARY

SO GOD IS A WOMAN? YOU ASK OF THEM AND THEY SAY OH, NO, NO, BROTHER

GOD IS A MAN BUT TO GET TO THE MAN, YOU FIRST HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE MOTHER.

THEN TWENTY-FIVE CULTS AND TWENTY-FIVE NUTS, THEY ALL COME TO YOUR HOME

THEY PRESENT TO YOU WHAT THEY THINK IS TRUE AND THEY FINALLY LEAVE YOU ALONE

AND YOU SIT THERE IN YOUR EASY CHAIR AND YOU SLOWLY UNLOAD YOUR RIFLE

AND YOUR OLD EYES FALL ON THE FLOOR IN THE HALL AND IN THE DIM LIGHT THEY MAKE OUT A BIBLE

GET THAT BOOK, YOU TELL THE WIFE AND BRING IT TO ME NOW AND YOU ASK HER HOW IN THE WORLD IT GOT THERE BUT SHE CAN'T TELL YOU HOW.

BUT YOU SIT AND YOU READ AND YOU READ AND YOU READ TILL THE DAY HAS TURNED TO NIGHT

AND SHE GOES TO BED AND COVERS HER HEAD AND YOU READ TILL IT'S DAYLIGHT

AND YOU REALISE THAT THOSE WERE LIES THAT YOU TOLD YOURSELF BEFORE

BOUT JESUS AND LOVE AND THE FATHER ABOVE AND YOU FALL ON YOUR KNEES ON THE FLOOR

THOSE CHRISTIANS THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING. THEY WERE JUST SELFISH CHILDREN AT BEST

AND YOU FORGIVE THEM THAT DAY THOUGH THEY TURNED YOU AWAY AND YOU'RE FILLED WITH THIS PEACE AND THIS REST

AND YOU WAKE UP THE WIFE AND YOU HUSH ALL THE STRIFE AND YOU KISS HER ON HER WRINKLED BROW

AND YOU TELL HER HOW YOU FOUND THE GOD THAT IS TRUE AND THAT YOU ARE A REAL CHRISTIAN NOW

AND SHE QUESTIONS YOUR FAITH AND YOU SHOW HER THE WAY AND YOU LEAD HER TO GOD ON THAT MORN

AND THE TWO OF YOU, OLD, CLOSE TO DEATH, GROWING COLD, ARE LIKE TWO BRAND NEW BABIES REBORN

SUCH JOY THAT FILLS THE HOUSE THAT DAY. THE LOVE IT DOES ABOUND

YOU WANT TO RUN INTO THE STREETS AND SHARE WHAT YOU HAVE FOUND.

THE WIDOW ACROSS THE STREET COMES OVER AND SAYS I'VE LOST A BOOK

AND YOU GASP IN SHOCK AND HAND IT OVER AND SHE GIVES YOU SUCH A LOOK

AND YOU ALL LAUGH AND DANCE A JIG AND CELEBRATE SOME MORE

AND YOU LOOK UP AND YOUR LITTLE WIFE SAYS THERE'S MORMONS AT THE DOOR

AND YOU INVITE THEM IN IN JOY AND YOU SAY TO THEM IT'S TRUE

THERE IS A GOD THAT'S REAL AFTER ALL, LET ME INTRODUCE HIM TO YOU.

                                                      END

 

 

BY Rhonda Jackson May 3, 2004 1a.m