Donna,

I am not very good with words, the thoughts come in rush and are often jumbled, so I will try to be clear as I can...

I am 40 years old and have just realized in the last year or so that I have really misunderstood what the Christian Life is all about.  I was raised in Christian home and became a Christian at age 8.  The way the Christian Life was modeled for me was that you accept Christ, go to church, read your Bible and pray every now and then and overall just pretty much enjoy your life as your were living it.  This is what many Christians are doing today.  They are living lives in the flesh (carnal), they have the Holy Spirit (not necessarily filled) and they will go to Heaven someday.  But God really is calling us to so much more

I had a most shocking experience when I read the book by Andrew Murray (1828-1917) called "Experiencing the Holy Spirit".  After reading that book I was crushed.  I could barely speak to my wife about what I read...there were no words.  What had happened is that I saw for the first time was how the Christian life was supposed to be lived and I wasn't even close.  The life Andrew talked about in his book was one of being filled with the Spirit, walking by the Spirit and being led by the Spirit (Romans 8).  It was a life of not just believing but desiring to truly be a disciple of Jesus.  Of having the precious pearl, the great treasure of having Jesus truly knowing me and me knowing Him and daily unbroken communion with Him.  I looked at myself and saw that even though I knew I was saved I had been living as a foolish virgin.

In my devotional time a couple of mornings ago the following verse stood out to me in I Cor 8:3..."But the man who loves God is known by God".  I thought about this verse for a couple of days and then thought I need to see what type of love was meant in that verse.  You probably can guess...agape.  It is an agape love.  The same love we find in Mark 12:30 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength".  I suddenly realized that I can't even love God the way I am supposed to because my love is an imperfect love.  Only a life that has given over everything to Jesus, to be truly transformed and then filled with the Holy Spirit can every have such a love (agape).

I realized then that while I believe in Jesus and God, God and Jesus don't truly know me like they want to.  In fact it is interesting that in the Parable of the 5 foolish and 5 wise virgins that the Bridegroom when responding to the 5 foolish virgins who ask that the door be opened, replies back to them, "I don't know who you are."  I think another poster at one time had said this and I agree.  The 5 wise virgins are the ones who are filled with the Holy Spirit, while the foolish have the Spirit but not the fullness because they love this life to much and have remained carnal and infants.  The foolish are told to buy oil, which means it will cost them something.  The 5 wise virgins already have extra oil, which means that they had already paid the cost.

You see while the gift of salvation for believing in Christ is free, but there is a cost for truly being a disciple of Christ.  In fact it will cost you everything.  Everything you love, your spouse, your children, your possessions, your job etc.  I am not saying that you should go out and sell your house, because you could do that, but in your heart your would mourn the loss of it.  What I mean is that you have to resolve for yourself that if Christ asked you to give up your house, your spouse or your children that for Him you would be willing to do it because you love Him more than anything else in the world.  Its an acknowledgement to Him that whatever He decides for your life you will be okay with because you love Him first and foremost.  It becomes an issue of the heart, because if we are not willing to let those things go, then we truly have something that we love more than Jesus.  I know those are hard words for many Christians to hear.  These are the words that Jesus spoke in John when he said "Unless you hate your mother or father you cannot be my disciple..."  Todays Christians want to ignore those words and they can.  They will be saved, but they will never fulfill what God put them on this earth for or experience the abundant life he wants to give them in Him in a life led by the Holy Spirit.

So how does the above relate to the rapture?  I think the answer is this.  God's ultimate goal is to transform us into Christ's image, to perfect us.  We can either choose to die to ourselves now, take up our Cross willingly and be found worthy of being raptured because we truly were washed and cleansed by Christ (no spots or wrinkles) or we may be left to go through tribulation in order to help us understand that we truly were never relying on Jesus like we should have been.  That process will be used to cleanse and purify us.  In the tribulation, there will be those Christians who will become martyrs for Christ.  In that moment, they truly will have to die to themselves if they truly love Christ.  I think God in his love is going to bring tribulation to the world to help men truly decide where they stand with Him.  Whether in rapture or dying in the tribulation, God still fulfills His promise that those who believe on His son Jesus will be with Him forever.

You may ask, "Well have you arrived?"  The answer is no.  But I know the road I must walk, the walk God is calling me to.  I don't care what the cost is.  I still need the filling of the Holy Spirit in my life, but there is much work that Jesus needs to do with me in helping me to see how truly sinful I am and to see that I need to be passionate about knowing Him.  I am so desparate to have that close intimate relationship that Paul and Peter had with Christ.  I must have it.

And yes our righteousness is as filthy rags.  The only truly righteous things come from the things we do when we are being led by the Holy Spirit, which is why be must cleansed and filled by the Holy Spirit.  Only then can we serve in true righteousness to our Father.

These are the things the Lord has been working on in my life.  I hope it answers your questions and was helpful.

I would highly recommend the following books by Andrew Murray (if you have never read him)...

Experiencing the Holy Spirit (you may have to buy this one, I haven't found it online)
The Deeper Christian Life (found at http://www.ccel.org/m/murray/)

Blessings on you Donna and I pray that the Father would lead you into all truth and show you the things you need to see.

Your Brother in Christ,
Brent