Michael Colunga (3 March 2011)
"RE:  Nicole--"How to Deal""

Hello, John and Doves,
Nicole, the best way that I know how to deal with situations like this is to overwhelm them with
the Word of God.
[Read Matthew 4:1 to 4:11.]
No matter what they say, come back at them with scripture, and with love.
The bottom line?  Make them so convicted by the Word, that they either change for better, or
they stop calling you in order to avoid the conviction of the Holy Spirit.
Remember, do all that you do in love.  [1 Corinthians, chapter 13--entire chapter]
In HaShem,
Mike C.
Nicole (2 March 2011)
"How to Deal?"

Ok Doves I have a scenario that I need help with.

I have a family member who is born again that I do not want to have a deep relationship with.  This person lives on the other side of the United States and calls me sometimes 4 times a day.   I do not agree with the way that they view things and their ideas on life.   It feels sometimes like a dependent relationship and since I won't fly I will never see them again.   I have lived far away from this person for 12 years and they have never come to see me.   This person sends me gifts that I do not like and they know I do not like these things, but they like them.   Then when this person is on the phone, they are always sick, always tired.   And they go into detail about their entire day, the people they live with and what they are doing and their personal business.  

To be honest with you guys I feel depressed when I talk to this person and I do not want a relationship.  I think this person is severely lonely and depressed and I am too busy to constantly sit on the phone.   I am not a person who really likes sitting on the phone listening to the details of people's lives, what they ate, what they wear.   My husband says I think like a business man.   When I am on the phone or at work I say, what's the bottom line?  

How can I politely distance myself from this person without being hateful, rude, or hurting them?   How can I stay away and not hurt someone who belongs to the Lord?   I do not want to harbor hatred or unforgiveness and when I speak to this person and they will not change and want to continue in their circular thinking......I start getting very irritated.  

Time is too short for me to be distracted!  I feel this person is trying to escape from their current life all the time by living in a fantasy of other people's lives and not living themselves.   I am tired of hearing about this person not having a great job, a nice place, and always saying things like they love horses, etc. and not taking any small or big steps in their lives to make anything happen.  They get a job offer and then go to that job and say they hate it and quit.  

For me I am a person of action.  If I don't like my hair I die it, get extensions, get a wig or cut it off.   If I do not like the way my house looks I rearrange everything, get out the paint and take car loads of junk to Goodwill.    My personality cannot be reconciled to this person and I feel like Jesus has us on opposite sides of the United States for a reason.  

What would you guys do?   I am only 33 and I know that there are Godly older men and women who have this same problem in their families, work or churches.