Humbly Irrelevant (18 June 2017)

A re-submission from 2007 that seems to have touched and inspired a few hearts and souls for Jesus (including a Jim Bramlett submission in Feb. 2008) -- Amen, HALLELUJAH!!!!


By: Humbly Irrelevant


Dear Brethren:


I have suspected this for a long while, and it’s finally been confirmed – I have been diagnosed with Rapturitis.  I contracted it inadvertently over 18 years ago when I entered in through the STRAIT GATE, and walked down the NARROW PATH to the Father through Jesus Christ.   The symptoms were evident immediately, and I started to suffer a plentitude of attacks.


I believe that this ailment is more in line with a psychological disorder than a physiological disorder because I have heard such clinical terms attached to it as “Irrational”, “Demented”, “Delusional”, “Fairytale Land, “Way out there”, “Midnight Flyer”, “Escapism”, “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride”, and other such euphemisms.   But I am not ruling out the possibility that it could be an eating disorder because I have also heard the following: “nut head”, “nut case”, “Pie-in-the-sky”, “One Taco short of a Combo meal”, “Fruitcake”, “Fruit loop”, “Meatball”, etc.   Either way, the white coats have not arrived for me yet because they believe my symptoms are in remission and not contagious. This apparently is validated by the fact that those who are exposed to me on a daily basis appear to be immune to it.   However, they keep their distance just the same!  I have been notified that I will only be quarantined if I intentionally and continuously attempt to pass my affliction on to others.


When I was first diagnosed, I was sent to the general practitioners.  They “tickled my ears” and tried to fill me with the “feel good” gospel, but these remedies were ineffective.  They then suggested New Age meditation and self-esteem classes, but I told them that I was already enrolled in Christianity.  Disgustedly, they dismissed me and suggested that I go see some specialists, but warned that I would not receive the existential attention that their gurus could provide for me.  


Well, the first specialist that I saw was an Amillenialist who tried to persuade me to drink the potion “that we were already living in the millennium and that the Church would prepare the world with righteousness before Jesus returned”.  This antidote looked too horrible to even taste, let alone swallow. So I quickly rejected it, wiped the dust off my feet and continued on with my sojourn.


They then scheduled a consultation with the Post-Tribber, who described how I must suffer seven (7) years of tribulation before my affliction could be cured.  This didn’t seem very encouraging, so I requested another opinion.  A Mid-Tribber was then brought in, and that prognosis was a little brighter, in that I would only have to suffer through 3.5 years of tribulation -- but not the full seven. This didn’t bring calm to my soul, and I was still not convinced.


So I finally took myself to The Pre-Tribber against the “sound” advice from all the sages, and guess what?  I must have really docked at Fantasy Island because now I was told that I didn’t have to suffer through any 3.5 or 7-year tribulation period at all. All I had to do was to keep looking up every day, and hope, and wish, and pray that Jesus would come back and deliver me immediately from this affliction without great suffering (and Jesus always keeps His promises).  All I had to do was remain steadfast in this Blessed Hope and to be patient.  This sounded too good to be true, but my heart (and further reading of the Bible) assured me that this was the efficacious course of action.


So I proceeded to get a prescription from the Pre-Trib “quack” (who seemed quite composed considering what others have said about him), and traversed to the pharmacy.  Unfortunately, I was quickly notified that my healthcare provider would only cover the Mid-Trib and Post-Trib remedies, and if I determined in my “delusion” to proceed with the Pre-Trib antidote – I was all on my own. I would have to pay the full price --including the criticism from friends, the scorn from family members, and the derision of co-workers. 


But there is a HAPPY ending to this saga!!    Jesus promised me that He already paid the full price for me, and not to worry about the ridicule of others because He experienced that also when He was here the first time.  He then filled me with a PEACE that surpasses all understanding, and began to strengthen me through His Holy Spirit.  He assured me that on the day that He returns (very soon), that He will pick me up in His arms, that He will heal me immediately, and my Glorified body will no longer suffer from Rapturitis.   Hallelujah!!!!  I am looking up!!  Even so, Lord, come quickly!!