Dear Susan

Yes, it’s definitely on. Sorry for the long dissertation below!:

I have lost all my ‘born-again’ Christian friends over the course of 7 years – Mostly to my fault, but in reality, when I think about, it was never something horrible that should have destroyed the friendships and I should have been forgiven. It took me years to forgive them, when I thought I had, I really hadn’t.  And although if I do seem them, it is awkward, knowing why in the world that Christian never forgave me and how they can act so ‘Christian’, but in reality, no forgiveness means no reconciliation, and all my attempt to reconcile where in vain because they have never forgiven me to this day, that has to be the answer OR it’s just not God’s will anymore for them to be in my life, and that’s fine, but I have to imagine, it is actually the later, nothing explains the times over the course of six years, I have seen them or tried and hoped reconciliation would happen, and listen to them, it was just empty.

Talk about Satan using things to destroy your life with resentment and bitterness, after wanting to right a wrong and make things better, the trap of feeling injustice. In reality, if I had to do this over, I would not have said a thing and would have let the friendships run their course, and if God wanted that person back in my life, they would be there, as if time had not passed, but 20/20 hindsight is not always there, who knew! - I certainly did not think that way 7 years ago.

And in retrospective, I did not learn this until I lost the last of my ‘born-again’ Christian friends after nearly 10 years.  In November 2004 I had confronted this friend because I had made a promise to God that if that friend contacted me regarding the issue, I would reveal the truth in love about the nature of our friendship.  At the time, the friend seemed to receive it – Yet in 2005, quite some time later, the friend had done nothing, although in November 2004, they had acknowledged understanding where I was coming from.  Because of their call, I knew I was now obligated to God to keep my promise and reveal the nature of the friendship after feeling ambivalent for nearly three to four years of the nearly 10 year relationship.

In January 2006, I had unfortunately vented anger that was building up in me for their inaction.  In this anger, they terminated the friendship; however, I made it a point to reveal that through the nearly 10 years of our friendship, I had forgiven them all the times they had not kept their word to me. At least in 10 years, they could of forgiven me this one time for my mistake, they had no respect for me, would not even call me to talk five minutes!  They gave the typical Christian platitudes about forgiving me, moving on, remembering the good times, and just parting ways, it was a disgusting thing to do and the most betrayal I have ever felt, where was my forgiveness, after they certainly have done worse to me over the years? My one time for forgiveness, revealed there was nothing to the friendship, and how could I have been so fooled! – How? It makes me wonder if Satan can destroy friendships like this, then Jesus has to be at the door ready to return OR I have to believe God allowed what happened in the bigger scheme of things.

Even to this day, it troubles me that that friendship must not have been one at all…Yet, strangely, I harbor no animosity toward the person, and at least for that time, they were a good friend, but then, maybe friend was not what they really were, or I would have been truly forgiven and reconciled immediately, the way I forgave them and immediately kept the friendship going…Go figure…

Lord, if I was wrong in revealing this, please forgive me, it makes my faith in other Christians so destroyed….
 

-Anthony