I was reading Anne's response at http://www.fivedoves.com/letters/july2010/anne724-4.htm and I wanted to tell you that while it is completely different circumstances, and I will not pretend to know your pain, I too have lost a loved one to suicide. It's been over 9 years ago now (April 2001) that I lost my first husband to suicide.The way I dealt with my pain, grief, healing, questions, anguish.... well, the list could go on and on of emotions- was to write. What became of this was a book. At the time, I could not find a single thing about Christian suicide. Since then, just a couple of years ago, I saw a book that had just been published. Just now, when I went to look for the title, I found several listed at Amazon.I will be more than happy to share my journey with you. I do not know if it something you are interested in or not, but if so, please let me know. Some people find comfort in knowing that others have walked a similar path as they have, while others do not. It is not an easy journey, but one that can and will build your faith in God if you completely surrender to Him. I know it's not easy. But that's all that saved me.One last little word of love for you- be gentle to yourself. Allow yourself to go through each and every stage of grief. I tried to go around the "anger" stage- both anger at my husband, as well as anger at God. I was warned that the longer I tried to circumvent the natural process of healing, the longer it would take. Indeed, they were correct. God has put this process in place as a healing process. It truly is a journey. Just be kind to yourself along the way. And when Satan comes to taunt you, tell him to GET BEHIND YOU IN JESUS NAME! He has NO power over you!My prayers are with you.In Christ,Cindi