1 Cor 10:31 (29 Jan 2017)
"Question RE:  codependency vs. merely "helping""

Hi Everyone!


I realize this is not about Bible prophecy (my most fav. Subject!!)


Yet it’s something that’s plaquing me over the past several days & I’d sure appreciate some insight!


I’m co-dependent through & through….. I admit that!  In fact, I’m the “poster child”!!  /smile!


Yet what I struggle with is the Bible clearly commends & commands that we help others…. And BTW I also have the spiritual gift of helps as well as encouragement.


So my question is:   how does one BALANCE helping someone without crossing the line & going over to co-dependent??


I think what I struggle with ~ or rather the reason I struggle is b/c I already know the answer, yet am having trouble with the facts.  When I give you a “for instance”….. let’s call my friend, Ann.  She’s a lovely friend, I do indeed love her a lot.  I count her as one of my dearest friends in fact.  Though our lives are pretty different, yet we share many of the same traits & how things affect us.  We can generally talk about most anything. 


I’ve known her for 25 years.  In all those years, she & her husband have CONSISTENTLY struggled financially. They both have their college degrees and worked as professionals for a while, before nearly having a nervous breakdown in today’s school system…. So they opted for lower paying jobs.  It’s not that they “DO NOT” work, it’s that they don’t make much money.  He works full time & she works part time, yet she takes care of absolutely everything else around the house including grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, & including outside chores like mowing & weed eating as well.  With her various health challenges, if she had to work outside the home full time AND do all this other, I think it might well be the catalyst to toss her over a cliff  (nervous breakdown I mean…)


At any rate, like I say they’ve struggled financially over all those years.


Now me:  when I hear a prayer request, I also rush in “to help” when/where I can.   Thing is though, wouldn’t you think they might make some “different decisions” over the years??  Not that they THROW money away, do not gamble, smoke or drink or indulge in many venues of entertainment other than the occasional golf game (the DH) – or softball game and going to church.  I mean, in order to feed his family, the idea might occur to him to take a part time weekend job, too??  Even just for a while….


So when I hear that they’re just getting by & needing groceries for a few days to tide them over till he gets his paycheck – most generally, here I come with groceries!!  I do this maybe once, maybe twice a year, but also sharing a few things here & there during the interim time as well.  They have NOT ONCE ASKED or even hinted for help!!  It’s just my nature to do this. 


New Living Translation
John replied, "If you have two shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry."   LUKE 3:11


I don’t feel I’m being played (on purpose)  as my friend has never asked….. other than anxiety, she never plays the game of I’m not going to be your friend “unless”….


In fact, it just dawned on me very recently that maybe I shouldn’t be doing this, yet rather allow THEM to make better decisions on what they do with their money.




Meantime, I’m definitely asking the Lord for guidance.   I realize in the grand scheme of things this is such a tiny thing, yet I want to the do right thing (Biblically speaking) yet seems to me there’s somehow got to be a “balance”  here!!