I have been reading your things you are say on doves. I know what you are going through as I too am going through this my self. Read let freedom ring this is from the Lord. Here something for you to make you feel better, from a song we sung in church on Sunday:
“In Jesus’ name we press on. In Jesus’ name we press on. Dear Lord with the prize, clear before our eyes, we find the strength to press on.”
There is hope.