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Inaugural homily for 2009

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The government is my shepherd: I need not work. It allows me to lie down on good jobs; it leadeth me beside still factories. It destroyeth my initiative. It leadeth me down the path of parasites for politics' sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of laziness and deficit spending, I shall fear no evil, for the nanny state is with me. Its bailouts and vote-falsifiers, they comfort me. It prepareth an economic utopia for me by appropriating the earnings of my grandchildren. It filleth my head with bologna; my inefficiency runneth over. Surely the nanny state shall care for me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in a fool's paradise forever.

Anonymous