One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the Earth and take a stroll.Walking down the road, the Lord encountered a man who was crying. The Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunrise. The Lord touched the man and he could see and was happy.As the Lord walked further, he met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man was born crippled and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and was happy.Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said, "Lord, I work for the Government," and the Lord sat down and cried with him.
If Jesus Preached NowIf Jesus Preached today, He would be wanted by:
The FDA for turning water into wine without a license.
The EPA for killing fig trees.
The AMA for practicing medicine without a license.
The Department of Health for asking people to open graves, for raising the dead, and for feeding the 5,000 people in the wilderness.
The NEA for teaching without a certificate.
OSHA for walking on water without a life jacket and for flying without an airplane.
The SPCA for driving hogs into the sea.
The NATIONAL BOARD OF PSYCHIATRISTS for giving advice on how to live a guilt-free life.
The INTERFAITH MOVEMENT for condemning all other religions.
And by the ZONING BOARD for building mansions without a permit.
and a litle wake-up !
A man died and went to Heaven. Of course, St. Peter met him at the pearly gates.
The Pearly Gate
St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into Heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I'll give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."
"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"
"Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service."
"Terrific!" says St. Peter, "that's certainly worth a point."
"One point? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."
"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," he says.
"Just TWO POINTS?" the man cries,
"At this rate the only way I'll get into Heaven is by the grace of God!"
" Well: thenYou can go right in ! "