I'm sorry you are having such a rough time in your relationship with your wife, however, your response to her as you describe it, does not appear to be improving the relationship, but is deteriorating it at a rapid rate.
While what you say in quoting Revelation 21 is true, it is true of those who REJECT the payment for which Christ died on the Cross. NO one who has accepted the atonement that Christ paid on the cross will go to hell, so when you make the case to an unsaved wife that her deeds will send her to hell you deny her the truth and encourage "her belief that the death of Christ is meaningless."
It has been my experience that one can only PUSH another away; neither you nor anyone else can PUSH anyone toward them! You'll notice that the Holy Spirit draws people to Himself. I don't know anyone who responds well when told that they'll end up in HELL if they don't do exactly what you tell them, even if it were true, and it might be.
You might want to consider a change in your behavior, the kind that would draw her to the Lord, instead of pushing her away. The first thought that comes to mind is maybe consider telling her that you are sorry for making her life hell, but you know the truth of God's Word, and you love her so much that you don't want her to suffer the fate it says she is currently on the road to.
You could then explain that the reason for Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Christ, and the reason that is so important is that Jesus was born as a gift from God to us to die for our sins so that we could live eternally in His presence in Heaven, and that the choice we make is simply to accept that payment He made on the cross to pay for our sins by simple faith.
You could say that Santa is satan's way of distracting people from the real meaning of Christmas, and that once one gets caught up in the gift giving commercial aspects of Christmas, and the mystical santa they forget the Christ child, and the reason for the holiday altogether.
You can of course mention that if you take the n in santa and move it to the end of the name it now spells satan. And of course, it is he who takes the Chirst out of Christmas, who puts an X in front of the name to erase the name of Christ, who makes the presents so important that the worship of Christ is forgotten altogether.
You mentioned in you post that "if you leave your family." I can assure you that is not God's will, as it makes you a liar, and a covenant breaker, which is not the testimony of the Holy Spirit who is the Spirit of Truth!
Leadership in the family, true Spiritual leadership is not done by attempting to impose one's faith on others. I have found that even if you could get her to parrot any words you may wish to hear from her it will not be in her heart, and thus meaningless to God.
You need to go for her heart! Currently you are going for her heart, but don't stab it, crush it, say words that humiliate, nor aggravate it. Nurture it, love it, help it to grow, and let her see the Love of Jesus Christ living in you.
And that will draw her to Christ ... and if she comes to Christ then praise God! And if she doesn't it is yet her choice. She has a lot of media and friends pulling on her, and you are fighting not against her, but against principalities and powers in the high places. Prayer is a necessity not a luxury, it is God who gives the increase.