Hi Linda I am praying for you , your family and Joshua.
I had a cousin who hanged herself 2 years ago - 40 years old - right here right after Thanksgiving, just before Christmas. No one had a clue she was so depressed, but something happened in her life that was the last straw and she hanged herself in her closet. Her dad found her, after she eluded to her plans in a phone conversation and she didn't answer the phone, he went to her house and found her. He had also been the one as a young man in high school who found his dad after his dad committed suicide.
Please remember - our Lord God and maker is the ONLY one who knows our heart to the core and the ONLY one who knows in the end whether we have accepted Him and the ONLY one who knows our state, and the ONLY one who knows how much we can take.
Please trust the Lord in these times and remember HE said, trust in Him and you and your household would be saved.