This came to me in the middle of the night last night
and I wanted to share it with all of you. Hope it
blesses you. Happy holidays and Happy New Year.
Revelation
Standing there at the corner of 3rd and Main today, I had a revelation
It burst upon my shattered mind and war torn soul like the sun coming up over the Rocky Mountains
Or the tides of the Atlantic Ocean hitting New England in October
A revelation.
Standing there gazing up at the azure blue sky and the flashing DON'T WALK sign
Hypnotizing me into zombie somnambulism, I began to walk into oncoming traffic
As a dozen cars and their impatient drivers honked and screamed "You idiot! Watch where you're going!"
Honk. Honk. Scream. Scream. I waited for the crash that never came
And found myself on the other side of the crossing safe and sound but lost in the revelance of the revelation
A blind man with a white cane rounded the corner and whistled and motioned for an invisible seeing eye dog
That never came either and I had a sudden ache in my heart for him because I realised that he had forgotten
That his dog was no longer there.
A flower vendor selling tulips and star gazer lillies caught my eye and I walked over and bought a Stargazer
On impulse and thrust it into the startled blind man's hands, saying "I know you can't see this but it's beautiful
And I want you to have it." Then hustled away when I saw a tear begin to fall down that leathery face
From behind his dark glasses. "It's a Stargazer, right?" he called to my back and clutched the flower
To his lean chest as I hurried away, softened by unexpected emotion.
The revelation kept rising up in me like a well too full of water and at the same time gave me visions of an old hotel
Wired for implosion and imminent devastation. Boom! Boom! Rumbling like a subway car in the belly of New York
Boom. Va-Room in the dark or a silver jet streaking across the midnight sky.
Instead of going to my dead end job, I found myself entering the downtown city park to find the worn bench
Where I used to sit and feed the pigeons and listen to erstwhile musicians and small time hustlers running
Their mind games, looking for instant fame and fortune in someone else's pockets.
Where I laid in the grass sometimes, arms folded behind my head, watching for animal shapes in the clouds
And dreaming of yesterdays and tomorrow mornings.
Dreaming of revelations that never came and that I had long since given up on ever attaining. Always questioning
And never getting answers. Never getting answered. Never getting noticed by man nor God. But ever always questioning.
My bench was occupied by a little old man and woman dispensing day old bread to greedy birds and shooing
Away devious squirrels who looked more intelligent than most of the park's noon time visitors.
I was momentarily disappointed and turned to walk away, perhaps to discover an undiscovered bench somewhere
And stake my claim on it, knowing that it could never really feel like my old bench, like mine.
"Excuse me!" the lady called out to me as I hunched my shoulders and began to hike down the trail edged with
Carefully planted daffodils and the odd purple unidentified flower. "This is your bench." she said as I looked back
Over my shoulder in restrained wonder. "Isn't it? We were saving it for you." "Saving it for me?" I asked, repeating
The phrase like the human parrot that I was. "Why would you save it for me?" Kind of disdainful
Walking back towards the bench and the beaming old couple sitting there surrounded by pigeons and squirrels
I put my hands in my pants pockets and stood there staring at people I'd never seen before in my life
But people who felt oddly familiar. "Do I know you?" I finally asked and met the woman's gaze with a defiant but
Weakening glare. "No, but we know you, dear." she said sweetly, then, "You've had a revelation today, haven't you?"
"M-me?" I stuttered and threw my head back to get the hair out of my eyes "How did you know about that?"
"Oh, we know." she said and briefly touched the arm of her elderly companion and they smiled at one another in a way
I've never seen two people smile. "We've been sent to bring you your answers." "My answers?" I almost shouted
And felt a thrill go through me like a kid on Christmas morning opening up the box of his dreams. "For real?"
I whispered and began to tremble and melt and rise up and fall down and soar and expand and die and be born
In an instant that seemed to go on forever. I became and decreased, gathered strength and released all at the same
Time, flashing through time backwards and forwards, falling and flying, dead as a stump but more alive than I have
Ever felt in my whole life. Before my jaded eyes, I saw the little old couple begin to glow with an otherworldly countenance. Seeing but not believing but believing anyway, I reached out
To touch them but couldn't seem to make contact with any earthly flesh. "Soon." they said to me in unison
And bestowed upon me the most magical and marvelous of promises emanating from eyes that could have only
Come from Heaven. "Soon." they said and vanished from the bench, seemingly unnoticed by the hundreds of other
Unlucky ones who could not see. "Wow!" I said and collapsed upon the bench revelling in the strange power that
Flowed from it's rough planks into every fiber of my being. Love like I have never known it before rippled through
Me, up me, down me and all around me, cascading like fireworks and dissolving me into helpless tears. Washing me
Like a hot bath and like fire on a potter's plate. Refining fire and water. "Wow." I repeated and sat back, unable to move
My arms and legs and not really caring if I ever moved again. The world around me disappeared with all it's noise
And confusion, cynicism and scorn, taking it's cold evil tentacles out of my heart and out of my mind where they
Had always been. I felt the world release me. I felt free. I felt loved. My earlier revelation had been a veil falling down
From before my eyes. Blind eyes opened at last, seeing Truth and knowing I was different. Now knowing beyond a shadow
That God was real. He had sent His angels. My answers had come.By Rhonda Love Jackson
` December 24, 2004 12:30-2 a.m.