I do not know why this was put on my heart to write about this, but I want to share my testimony.   When I was 11 years old I got a horrific eating disorder.   And I need to tell anyone who is suffering from one, or anyone that has a child or a friend that is suffering from one, that you are not alone.   There is a lot of secrets, shame and guilt, anger and frustration with this disorder and it can take one's mind on a roller coaster.  

When I first got the eating disorder I just would not eat.   I was terrified of getting fat.  I was not taught how to cook, what portions were, how to work out properly, how God wonderfully made me, or how to properly style my clothes, hair and makeup.   Basically my parents cooked a lot of food and I considered them to be overweight and dorky.   I did not want to be this way and I did not know how to be different and being frustrated I just stopped eating.   However their tactics did not work.   They thought throwing food at me, forcing me to sit at the table, forcing food down my throat and then finally taking me to a hospital where 5 men I was fighting tooth and nail dragged me in would work.  

Well none of it did.   And let me tell you why.   As soon as I got into the hospital, all I wanted to do was get out and go back to my old ways.   So I played their little psychological game and pretended I would eat and gained the weight so I could get out.   I pretended to be all better.   As soon as I got out, after eating there I felt really guilty and fat, so now my anorexia disorder turned into bulemia.   So then I would eat and eat and eat and then throw up.   At this time another 3 years had passed and at the age of 14 I had to check myself into the hospital.   But still, these doctors thought they would put me with a group of other kids that were drug users, alcoholics, etc would work if I could talk about my problems.   It was stupid, embarrassing and noone understood ANYTHING about eating disorders.   All they wanted to do is talk about what is wrong with them.    And I did not know what was wrong, I thought they were supposed to know.  

So anyways I stopped throwing up and then around 17 I just started drinking alcohol and taking diet pills.   That was smart huh?   REALLY REALLY STUPID!    So these so called experts let a little girl get out of a hospital thinking she was cured from anorexia, and then it turned to bulemia, then to a drinker.   You see the disorder morphs itself if you do not cast out the demon!

Now that I am in my mid 30's I have to take a look back at myself and see what happened.   When I looked in the mirror as a little girl and everyone told me I looked like a victim of the Holocaust, a concentration camp victim, I did not see it when I looked in the mirror.   A demon was morphing my appearance in the mirror to a point I thought I looked fat.   You see I was not saved and even though I was not possessed, a strong demon came upon me and bound me in chains to try to take me to hell.   When people would tell me to eat, I felt literally ill.   The food smelled bad, all I could see is them stuffing food in their face like a fat pig.   It was like the demon was constantly bringing fat people in front of me so it could say good thing you don't eat...you would like them.   What a bunch of garbage!   I am not those people.  

Anyways, after I was not anorexic anymore, food seemed to haunt me to eat it.   The food seemed to smell so good, it was like the food was calling my name and then I would eat it.   I would then hear a voice tell me, you are so thin you deserve to eat that cake.   And then when I would eat it a voice would say that I was going to get really fat and I was gross and I should just thrown it up and get rid of the food.   It was a twisted cycle I could not get out of.

If anyone is suffering from an eating disorder, you are not stupid....you are not psycho....you are not out of control.   You are being oppressed and tormented because there is something that you need to do for God and His Son in this late hour and you are being blocked.   You need to get to someone who has a specialty in casting out demons and you may have to see them as many times as you can to get rid of this.   After that you need to write down a letter to the Lord handing over your weight and metabolism to Him to manage.   Let Him control your desires so you can be free.   And then realize that those people who do not want to get rid of their eating disorders, they are not making Jesus the Lord and Master of their life.....if you died today you would go to hell.   So is a few pounds worth your soul?   Is not your body wonderfully made by the Great God Jehovah who only put you on this earth for less than a 100 years, so that you would be beautiful in Heaven forever?   Next, whatever evil has happened to you or what embarrassing things that you have done.....you need to attack them head on.   Stop being a victim and a slave to the devil in this disorder.

Let me tell you some of the things that happened to me that these evil demons kept me in torment for so long.   My biological father was in a car accident when I was a baby and I always thought he didn't love me and abandoned me.   Then my mother didn't let me see him (little did I know he was brain damaged from the accident) and through the years she became dorky and a recluse.   I was angry at her for not wanted to go to work, being fashionable or being a fun mom.   She was distant and into church and though I wanted God, I saw church as a place for people that were backwards in society and needed a crutch.   Her inability to help me adapt to the social climate of jr. high and peer pressure was just too much.   In the 6th grade I had a boy who loved to throw sand in my face and mouth at the play ground.   I also had girls who liked to take my clothes during gym and put them in the shower and get them soaking wet so I would have to wear my PE clothes the rest of school.   

I think that parents want to just take their kids to school and drop them off, make their lunches and help with homework and just pass them on to the next grade and ignore their psychological development are looking at their child as a pet.   School work and making their lunches is only in my opinion 1/4 of my childhood development.   I don't remember most of what I learned in school, but the social settings and development stuck with me my entire life.   Either the family has money and just buys them the shoes and clothes they demand, or they just want to save money and buy cheap things because it is what the kid needs.    They fail to understand what kind of friends the child wants, who they admire in the media, what their friends think and believe, what is cool and what is in, what boy or girl the child has a crush on, and what they are saying and doing on their free time/breaks at school.    I was being bullied to a point that I had to get an eating disorder for my parents to change my schools.   My parents did not understand who I was or what I needed because I was not able to communicate with them or stand up for myself at school.   I just did not know how.   I needed a Godly mentor at church who as a young girl I wanted to look like and be like.  I am not saying that a mentor needs to be an idol, but little girls dream of growing up to be pretty women and getting married.   And I needed a mentor who was willing to tell me harsh things like you need to restyle your hair....you don't know the word of God....you are a slave to what others think.   I needed a Godly mentor at that age that shined a true light of who Jesus was so that I was more upset when they made comments to me then the kids at school.

If I would have been the same person as I was now I would go back to that little girl and get rid of the glasses, throw away most of her wardrobe, help her mom redecorate the whole house, walk my dog and not leave him by himself in the backyard all the time, dye my hair black instead of the red it was, and actually go to church all the time and study the word of God.   I would have been involved in my church and I would have sought out leaders in the church and my parents on how to deal with issues at school.   I didn't do this because I thought that they didn't understand.   You see in the 90's everyone played church and pretended no one drank alcohol, cheated on their spouses, had tattoos, etc and it was a big charade in my opinion and especially since the bullying I was dealing with was at a Christian school.

On top of that I did not need to hear that I just needed to eat.   I needed to go to a food counseling class such as Jenny Craig or something that showed you how to eat to make your body more effective, feel happier, and more energy without gaining weight.   I needed to developing muscle and have optimum brain function.   I needed to stop hearing that I should count calories.   I needed to be able to integrate into society and be able to have the freedom to eat at a restaurant or at a family gathering without being overwhelmed by a large menu or a buffet of food.   At these places food was overwhelming because I felt out of control and the calorie idol stolen out from underneath me.   

This disease is victimizing so many girls right now.   The viciousness of the devil is getting out of control at the schools.   The kids are so bad now that there are probably a lot of girls hiding it from their parents.   And just by talking to my 8 year old boy on his level, I learned a lot about what is happening at the schools.   And you would be surprised to find out that kids as young a 6 years old are using the most foul of language....that kids in jr. high know what married couples know....and that kids think it is funny to use their camera phone to take pictures underneath or over the stall of people while they use the bathroom....and that boys think it is funny to defecate on the floor or urinal in the bathrooms.   So I beg parents to please stop assuming that everything is fine and dandy.   Be involved and be willing to go to the depths of a child without them feeling they are being judged.   They don't want to be judged.   They want controlled freedom, protection, love and a feeling of being part of a group.