The British have reacted to the recent terrorism alerts by raising their
security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels
may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners
have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies
all but ran out.

Terrorists have been recategorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as is customary, and
the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.