I've never written my testimony out before but someone was asking me to share this with them. My husband thought it might be something the Doves would appreciate too. This is part of my story.
God has always been real to me. But I didn't know how much I could trust him because everyone I have ever trusted has let me down.
I thought I could handle life on my own - I didn't need Him. I was in control of my life.
1997 I married a man I knew God didn't want me to marry. But I was afraid no one else would want me and I would end up an old-maid.
I was the breadwinner in the family. I was an Mid-level manager at the University of Cal, San Diego. There was lots of prestige amongst my friends but also lots of stress. All I was really funding was his appetite for wine, women and Karaoke. Even to the point of bringing some of the women home with him (this was at the end of the marriage). Stopping just short of physically hitting me, his abuse was virtually non-stop.
During this time, I was also singing in a band with a highly abusive leader. An example of her abuse is that she didn't pay me because I was " already paid well in my job at UCSD". But when I tried to sing with another band she became enraged and made up stories about me stealing money and clothes etc. She promised I would never work in this town again. That promise didn't work out so well for her.
Needless to say the pressure on me was more than I could bear and finally I broke down feeling there was nowhere to turn. In a fetal position, in a hospital bed, I finally heard God say "are you ready to do life my way?". I decided, yeah my way sure sucks. Like a sheep surrounded by wolves, I decided to let the shepherd lead me. All I could do was follow His prompting. I didn't have the ability to make decisions and frankly had no desire to. I needed to be taken care of. He did just that.
The difference has been like night and day. He gives beauty for ashes but you must give Him your ashes to get the beauty. The Bible says He calls us out of darkness and into His marvelous light.