I have spent the last few years with the same feeling as many of you are now reporting, with that "don't care about anything but goin' home" outlook.  Been preparing the house, kids, family records, left behind stuff....just like you all are doing.  However, this last month has been a complete reversal, and I HATE the feeling that has come over me NOW.  Do any of you out there feel this?  I am having waves of dread at the "inevitable" letdown that my mind assumes is coming.  I have gone thru the last few passovers, Rosh Hashanahs, pentacosts, etc., more sure with each passing one that this one was really "it"....and then comes the let-down, the depressing hopeless feeling, of being here the day after....AGAIN.  I guess my natural mind is trying to prepare itself for the same-old same-old, and it simply is awful.  As Pentacost comes ever closer, a feeling of dispair comes over me.  I DON'T want to be here ANOTHER year....waiting again for ANOTHER year.  PLEASE, can someone tell me I am not crazy?  I have brought it before the Lord, immersed myself in His word, but it seems the more CERTAIN I am that this year is really it, the more I anticipate a HUGE letdown.  HELP!  I want the fire, the zeal, the excitement...but I can't take another year of dashed hopes being stuck here on this vile, sin-filled, filthy, hateful earth one more second.  I want to see His face...hear His voice....will this NEVER end?  Tracy