Douglas Martin, "A Feeling of "I do not care""
 
If it were not for a couple of people, those who are watching for His return, by the way,,,,I would have thought some time ago that I needed to be put in an institution.  Having been very active all my life, doing many things, loving to cook, sew, play a couple of musical instruments, etc......over the last three years, these interests have melted away to nothing, nothing at all. No interest at all...just gone.  To be replaced with the only one thing that I love,,,and that is learning ever more about our Lord, and looking fervently for His soon coming.  Each day I do what I have to do, nothing more, to sustain life here on this planet.......and many things are left un-done which is not like me - house and garden just a great big bore now, and a heavy "have to do it" lack of motivation.  I put off appointments, dentist, etc., until "after this or that date",,,,,now,,,"after Pentecost"  lol....I have felt a sense also of losing "feeling" for many things...mostly a feeling of "life" or "joy" in anything at all, like vitality.......   Socially, I no longer want to go to get-togethers and talk all the chatter and light-talk of even my best friends, where I cannot mention Christ or God without the perverbial rolled eyes or curled-lip response.   And so, it is talk about potted plants, or their latest trip, new couch, their hair, their nails, their shoes, etc......I do not have the money to partake of ANYTHING except to just get by day to day,,,,,and that, with effort and shopping for bargain food, etc.  and all my friends have tons of money, so that is what they talk about.   They do not read the Word of the Lord at all.   I feel very alone, and estranged, from people, even friends I have known all my life.  Everything is one big, monumentally-heavy sigh.......one might say "depression", but I cannot call it that, because I have been depressed in my life, and this is not the same...........this feeling is one of dis-connection, almost like an out-of-body experience, floating amongst the people of this planet but not being a part of anything at all.   The whole of my life and spirit, is directed toward the GOOD NEWS of His soon coming to collect His people, and GET US OUT OF HERE...
        In musing about these things, I have come to the conclusion that this is part of our death-to-the-world process, the setting-apart, the sanctification, prior to His great work.  We like sheep, have been called into a corner of the field, totally set apart, by the Shepherd of our souls, and our attention is entirely upon Him only.   Having others to share this feeling with, helps, for like I said, otherwise I would think I did not have all my faculties.  Paul the apostle told us that he was "dead to the world" but that his life was "in Christ" in the heavenlies.   That is kind of how I feel,,,like my life went somewhere, I know not where, and that I just wander around like a robot, now...one thing is sure, and that is when our Lord said, "I am not of this world---my Kingdom is not of this world---neither are they (His people) of this world",,,,,,,,,,that I can really say "right -- that is where I am",,,,,,,,,,He said "hate the world and the things of the world",,,,,,,,and that kind of hits the nail on the head.......................I just hate it here and do not fit in anywhere....................................thanks for all of you for sharing this strange change that is overtaking us............but we can trust in His grace and care, of all of us, until that day...............................until then, hang in, and hope, and pray,,,,,,your sister in Christ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Arlene