I am reading a book called Wild at Heart. It is actualy very good. It speaks
of the fact that many Christians live mediocre unfullfilled lives because
they put on a fake religeous front to cover for a hidden unhappiness. Most
of this stuff hits us when we are kids. Something goes deep when we have
various hurts such as lack of love and support when we most need them in our
vulnerable youth. We try to make up for hidden emptiness by hiding behind
business, trying to be something we are realy not or just hiding in what
ever form we find convenient.

This act of seeking God for what it is that disturbs and imprisons us is a
serious matter. We have to let God uncover our pain, something most of us
would rather not do. But it seems to me the only way to healing and having a
true and fruitful Christian life. God is always allowing difficulties to
come our way in order to bring us to a place where he can bring us thru to
the other side. It certainly can be very frustrating. Most of us would go to
great lenghts to avoid looking honestly in a mirror. But after being a
Christian for many years and facing repetiious problems along a similar vein
I realize things will not change unless I lay it down and let him take out
the knife.

We must give God the time and our undivided attention to let him heal these
deep hurts. We can not blame or hold a grudge against anyone in order for
his healing to come. We must face our pain in the lonely hours of the night
when it is just us and him. Take us across the river we fear thru a place we
can not see. Hold my hand as I learn to trust you deeper. Thank you for
loving me and caring enough about me to become so intricatly involved in all
my affairs. Jesus, you are not a distant God, you are right here.