To "rapture on the brain".
 
I appreciate your openness.  I can also relate to your desire to have someone with whom you can relate to in person, someone who can be part of your "inner circle" of friends, so to speak, in a similar way that Jesus related to the three out of the twelve, and I think ultimately related to the beloved disciple, John, and Mary M, apart from the three.  Jesus was selective, and I am to be also, but only after His Spirit.
 
It is refreshing to me to be able to be mutually open about what is important to me without having to justify it, or to have it be interpreted as a "character weakness", or to have Bible verses "thrown at me" because what I am saying is threatening in some way.  There are also seasons wherein God is teaching me to walk with Him in contentment while the sense of aloneness does not abate.  By the way, if you live in the Eugene, Oregon area, I am willing to meet.
 
Over the years of looking for Jesus' return, and trying to talk with others about it, I have come up with few ways of making some sense of differences.  I emphasize that even though what follows is something I am coming to understand, it is taking time for me to truly incorporate it consistently into how I interpret, respond to and interact with others.  Over the years I had perfected the art of being critical and am now working "to sow" different choices.
 
I think that when Jesus comes, the issue will not be so much to what extent a believer is willing to discuss end-time sections of scripture and consider how they might relate to current events.  I think the foremost issue will be to what extent that believer has embraced the light of God as revealed by His Spirit in their lives up to that time.  I am thinking of a verse in Hebrews 10 where it says "for in yet a very little while, the coming One will come and not delay.  But my righteous one will live by his faith; and if he draws back, my soul has no pleasure in him."
 
I think that it is in the incrementally revealed presence of God, His light, His penetrating gaze, the consuming fire of who He is, that this is where the heart/essence/core of a believer, or anyone for that matter, gets exposed.  John says that men love darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. I think that both believers, and also those not connected to God, construct their world view/value system in part around the degree of their willingness to embrace God's light as it has been revealed to them up to that moment in their lives.  I think this is how a lot of human behavior can be understood.
 
I think of the times in my own life where my heart sins had been exposed/revealed by God.  This especially centered around how I treated others, how I chose to interpret their motives, and what thoughts I nurtured about them.  This exposure was incredibly painful.  At times the humbling felt almost crushing.  My illusion of "how good of a Christian I was" was exposed for the sham it was.
 
Over time, as I embraced this light in bits and pieces, God also revealed in an deeper way the extreme : that the blood of Christ is the propitiation (satisfaction) for my sins, that I must cling/rest in the truth that only Jesus is my shepherd and redeemer, that any true goodness will have to have only Jesus Himself as a source, that the only work I am capable of is to labor to rest in all that He has committed Himself to accomplish in me, and that this is all because of the covenant established/fulfilled within the Godhead alone.  This growth in knowledge seems to always include a growth in grace wherein I am able to increasingly identify with others' sins and weaknesses, and to see them truly as my equals before God.
 
When Jesus comes with a fuller revelation of who He is, will I be able to stand before Him or will I draw/shrink back?  Jesus expressed in Luke 21:36 for us to "watch and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man."  To be able to stand before the person of God Himself seems to me to be just as great of a gift/reward as being granted the privilege of escaping certain judgments.
 
The light of His revealed presence will be intense, and everything within us will be exposed to His fire-ness.  I think a part of us will want to run to Him, and part of us will want to run away.  Perhaps this is why some in Scripture simply fell before Him, the only way to go with both urges at the same time.
 
I think if you have "practiced" walking in His light this side of His coming, as limited as that experience might be in comparison to what it will be like face to face, you will be able (or granted) to stand before Him, verses not turning back with the shame of an intense exposure you had worked so hard to avoid prior.
 
Appearances can be very deceiving.  I know that there have been times when I was actively looking for His appearing in my behavior and intellectually (surfing websites such as the Five Doves), but at the same time I was nurturing sin in my life.  If He had indeed returned at that very moment, I would have shrunk back from Him.  It is too easy to give the appearance of wanting Jesus to return without truly wanting that from the heart.  (How many times have you read someone on a particular end-times website who was mean-spirited in how they expressed the "truth" of their perspective on Jesus' soon return?
 
I am not implying that a believer's unwillingness to express a sincere desire for Jesus to return is 'never' indicative of a heart attitude.  What I am saying is that the real issue of walking in the light may not be something I am unable to discern because it is just that, a matter of the heart, something that only God sees clearly.
 
This frees me to be open to another believer, even though at the moment they are not open to discuss end times with me.  There is the real possibility that the other person may be walking in the light of what God has revealed to them to date with more integrity than I, even though I am initiating an end-times conversation.
 
Sometimes I come across as very intense, and if someone does not know me well, they are understandably guarded, hesitant to vulnerably open up.  Also, some folks may have had bad experiences with "end timers" who were very judgmental.  Heart idols can hide quite readily in the end times ideas/constructs (mental fig leaves, if you will).  And so again, until a person gets to know me, their reticence is understandable.
 
Also, if they happen to be a babe in Christ, and having experienced a lot of brokenheartedness (abuse) as well, then it may take time for God simply to lay the foundation within their spirit that He is trustworthy, and then He will reveal end times revelations to them later on (how can one look forward to Jesus' return is they do not trust Him?).  Part of my being sensitive to the Spirit of God is to discern what He wishes for me to open up about in a moment, and not according to what I think may be lacking in their intellectual comprehension of a subject I am passionate about.  I confess that this is something I do not understand clearly - listening to the Spirit as Jesus did to the Father so He knew even what words to say - in this I feel like a rookie.
 
Lastly, because of the interdependence of all members within the body, God reveals only pieces to each.  I must be open to each member for they have something to reveal about God and His ways that is unique, in the same way that we are unique from one another.  What God has revealed to them may not have anything to do with His soon return.  It may have to do with His Holiness, for example, yet this is indeed something that I want to be open to learn about as I contemplate facing Him soon.  Or it may have to do with His great mercy, which again is something I want to be open to learn about.  The heart of another is like deep water, a man of understanding can draw it out.  This takes a little work and time, however, to discover what another may have to offer me.  I tend to be quick to write people off, which is contrary to the reality of our interdependence within the body.
 
What if in my heart I sincerely think that a brother or sister is stiff-arming God and so are not open to the idea of facing Jesus anytime soon, or what if I sincerely sense that they will not embrace with their heart the idea of Jesus' return because their heart is caught up in this earthlifetime much like the weeds choking the seed of the word?  Well, I think of the verse (in James?) where we are instructed to pray for one another, after confessing faults to each other, with the end view of healing.  Perhaps the Spirit of God has been the one to confess that person's fault directly to you in your spirit without that person even being aware of what is taking place.  The responsibility still holds, to pray for them so that healing may be theirs in time.  Sometimes brokenheartedness is so extreme that a person can not go there in their minds, and so God, knowing this, in His mercy reveals to you the other person's need on their behalf.  The flesh in us wants to use that as a basis to criticize.  The spirit will use it as a basis to love and intercede for them without ever bringing the matter to their attention.
 
The above does not detract from the disappointment of not being able to be transparent with another brother/sister in Christ.  I look forward to the kingdom to come for a number of things.  Once each believer has had one on one time with Jesus "in person", their brokenheartedness will be fully healed.  They will then be free to share openly, intimately, transparently, without guile.  At that time heart to heart fellowship will be experienced with each/every son and daughter of God.  As someone mentioned to me recently, we will then have complete intimacy without any promiscuity!  In the mean time, I can move towards others in very small and gentle steps, thus not forcing it.  It also frees me to give others space in that in the same way that God has gently revealed much to me over the decades, He may take decades to do that with others also (though it is likely that they may not be as hardhearted as me and so will be on a quicker learning curve).  What do any of us truly have by way of revelation that we have not also simply received from His hand in grace and mercy?
 
Over the years, this is how I have tried to make sense of differences between me and other members within the body.  I especially like what Elihu says in the book of Job, that because he was only a man, what he had to say should not weigh heavily upon anyone (what is nice is that this works both directions).
 
Again, I am trying to incorporate the above in how I relate to and understand others.  I would also appreciate anyone's prayers on my behalf that God would continue to work these deeply within me.  My flesh always is willing to lead me ever so slowly back into criticalness, cynicism, and bitterness.
 
Take care,
 
Douglas Henney.