My Visit to Heaven....Part Three

 

I traveled the length of that tall, tall Body and it seemed to take weeks to make the trip but eventually

I arrived and came to rest upon Jesus' shoulder! Oh, boy, what a view from there! This place seemed to

have desert like places or at least it kind of looked like Israel and there were mountains in the back

ground but I saw no vegetation that I remember or any other forms of life. Of course, I wasn't really

looking for anything because all I could see was my Savior's face. O, that glorious face! As I perched

there, I remember saying out loud so that the people in the room could hear me and it was on the tape,

"I'm sitting on Jesus' shoulder like a little bird! I'm like a little bird!" (Don't ask me why, that's just how

it was.) Jesus turned His head and smiled at me. He was so beautiful! He was very masculine but very

beautiful at the same time. He had dark brown hair down to His shoulders and a short beard and a

moustache. His voice was very gentle and loving. But oh, those Eyes! It was like looking into pools of

liquid love. They were deep and brown and they smiled when He smiled. I felt like I could just fall into

them and live there forever. He said to me that we could all fly up to Him in the Spirit if we really

wanted to. He said the key was to forget your physical body, mind and eyes and start seeing with your spiritual eyes. I wasn't sure what He meant but I would later. The really strange thing (but not

strange at the time. It seemed totally natural.) was that we didn't have to communicate with our

mouths if we didn't want to. I seemed to hear His voice in my mind and all I had to do was think a

thought and He heard it immediately. We were just totally connected in our minds. I guess that's what

they mean by having the mind of Christ. Well, I did for that space in time, I know that.

Then Jesus took me in the palm of His hand and I sat there looking up at Him in total adoration. I had

never been so happy in my life. I felt like I belonged for the first time in my twenty some odd years. I

felt like I was truly Home. That I was LOVED for the first time, understood, accepted for me. Just being me. For the first time. That I was important to God. That He loved ME. Oh, what an awesome

feeling. To someone like me who had never felt loved or accepted by anyone including my own family,

I'm telling you, it was like nothing else I had ever experienced in my life. Jesus and I talked for a long

time. We laughed, we told jokes, we shared many things. Then Jesus leaned over and whispered into

my ear for a long time and I remember this great big smile on my little face and my eyes got big and I was so surprised and happy and amazed at what He was telling me. Now up until this point, I was

still telling the people what I was seeing and hearing but at this point Jesus did not allow me to share

what He was whispering into my ear. It was for me alone. I heard what He was saying at the time but

when I came back into my body, I could not remember one thing He told me then. It was like it was

sealed. Maybe He was speaking things into my spirit, giving me revelations and gifts and promises to come back to me later when I needed them. I don't know and it used to really bother me that I could

not remember but then I accepted that He knew best and that He chose to do it that way and that was alright. I saw alot of things that I could not describe or explain also so those things were not shared

with the group either but I did the best I could in sharing everything. It seemed really important to me

to be able to do that. I didn't want them to be left out and several of these people, I didn't even know but God did. I seemed to spend days with Jesus there in that place and I never wanted it to end but then somehow I knew that it was going to. I was kind of torn, I guess you could say. I knew there was

more He wanted to show me but I didn't want to leave Him. He stretched out His hand with me in it

and I began to ascend upwards again and I knew that I was going to yet another part of Heaven. I looked back at Him longingly and then I looked up and I saw a golden glow coming from up ahead.

Now this is the part that I hate and that I kicked myself for over and over and over the rest of my life until I began to understand. I began to pull back. To resist going upwards. I said out loud "No, I can't

stand it! It's unbearable!" The joy and the glory was too much. "I can't go!" And somehow I knew it

was okay, that I could have gone but it was okay if I didn't. I knew later that I could have gone right into

that holy city and into the Throne Room but I was only a baby Christian and the holiness and glory

of God was so strong that I felt that it was going to absolutely melt me. That I was not prepared for it yet. I was not worthy. This is my greatest regret in life. Knowing that I could have gone but I did not.

But I know I will have another chance. Jesus made me to know that it was alright, that I didn't have to

go and I began to slowly descend back down the way I had come. I began to drop down through

swirls of colors and I remember the emerald green color and those universes that seemed to be made of whipped cream. (Don't ask.) The feeling of weighlessness was incredible but I kept dropping until I went all the way down into the room and went back into my body and just collapsed on the floor.

Believe me, it was not a good feeling going back into that body. It seemed like such a weight and a burden. As I lay there not knowing what to think, but aware that I was back, Jesus began to talk to the people in the room through me. But the things He was saying shocked me so that I refused to say them. I became afraid. He was telling me to say things like "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair." to one of the ladies and I thought, "This can't be God. He doesn't know anything about fairy tales!"

(Duh!) Oh, how dumb we can be sometimes! Jesus can use anything He likes to get His point across.

Finally, I got up the courage to say that to the lady and she was so blessed and excited. (Remember, I was still lying face down on the floor with my eyes closed, not seeing anyone.) Well, later, I found out that this dear lady had lost all of her hair due to illness and that she was wearing a wig. Only God knew that and what that phrase would mean to her. So I said it and later, her hair began to grow. I gave several more words like that to other people and then I just cut it off because I felt so strange talking like that. Oh, how I regret doing that! I had just been in the presence of God and yet I was back in my body around other human beings and I was afraid that they would think I was crazy and reject me. It took me many years to actually get set free of this fear and to learn to be obedient to the Spirit and to listen to His voice. I stayed on the floor for a long time in silence and little by little the other people began to stir and to get up and leave. I don't think there was a lot of talking going on as no one could speak after what had just happened. My friends came to help me up when I began to come out of the spirit and I could barely stand up. I looked at them but I couldn't see. I couldn't function. I said "What is wrong with me? I can't see." They helped me to the restroom and I went in and stood at the sink staring into the mirror and my sight began to come back but I didn't recognize myself. I wondered who that was looking at me. I looked so old! lol I was still that innocent little girl. I felt like I weighed a thousand pounds. Going from total weightlessness to this was some adjustment! I didn't like it! I didn't know how to walk. I felt like I was floating. I just could not get used to being back on earth. I probably

stayed in there for a long time and finally came out and my friend said "You've been seeing with your

spiritual eyes. You'll have to get used to seeing with your natural eyes again." and I said "Oh." I could not drive home (yeah right!) I was so "drunk" in the spirit, I can only wonder what would have happened if I had tried! Can you imagine the policeman who would have stopped me! They would have locked me up! But then again, the anointing was so strong on me that he might have fallen on his face if he had touched me! I had never had that experience before but have had it a few times since. It's a wonderful feeling but not one you can stand for too long. Believe me, there is no strong drink on this earth that can make you feel like being "intoxicated" in the Spirit and I only use that term because I can't think of anything else. There are no words to describe being filled, running over and "one" with the Spirit of the Lord. And if you are not pure and living holy, you couldn't stand it anyway. It would burn you up. I think that's one reason I felt I couldn't go into the Presence of the Father. I was not pure enough to bear His holiness. But I could have gone. I could have gone. I comfort myself with that thought.

Throughout the years since, I have begged, pleaded and cried for Jesus to please just let me come back up there for just a teeny, tiny little second. I would have given the rest of my life for the priviledge. I have never felt at home on this earth since then and life just seems to be something to "hurry up and get over with" so that I can go home. Do you understand what I am saying? I want to go back "Home."

I have been visited by Jesus on one other occasion and I have seen Heaven in a trance like vision of which I related to you in the poem Golden Clouds in a Silver Sky but I have not set foot back in that glorious place since. Writing this now, makes it all come back to me so alive and so real that I feel myself longing for it again with all my heart. And I know that it's there in another realm just beyond my natural eyesight. And I know that I can go into the presence of my Lord anytime that I want to if I will just lay myself down and forget my selfish needs and worship Him. And sometimes I get impatient and sometimes I get frustrated with myself and the rest of the world and I just want to say "Okay, people! Let's get this thing together so we can all go home and be with Jesus!" He wants us there with Him even more than we want to be there with Him. Some of us love this world too much and some of us want to go on and do great things on this earth and accomplish something and live to be old and have health, wealth and all of that but people, I'm telling you that there is NOTHING in this life or this world that can compare to being in His presence for just one second of time. NOTHING! Okay, I've got to stop or I'm going to be crying. Oh, Jesus, how I love You and need You! Please let me hear the sound of that gentle voice again and look into those eyes again and feel that all encompassing love again. Please, Lord! And I thank You for letting me share this after all these years and I thank You that You will use this true story to reach many hurting, lonely souls who have wondered what Heaven is like and if You are real. Show Yourself to them like You did me, Lord. Make Yourself real to them. Let them experience Your love and someday........let me meet them all in Paradise. Thank You.